Chaos, calm, or hiding —

Emotions. There, I’ve said the E word. We can’t live without them, and many times we don’t know how to live with them. As parents, when we don’t know—we can’t help our children.

I wrote these words on Facebook recently; it was one of my most shared posts—ever.

“Relationships that stay with us in our unpleasant emotions…and help us return to joy after we’ve processed all they offer…are
relationships that help us grow up.”

So many people commented on the post with something like, “Sometimes, this is so hard…”

It is. And when we struggle as parents, it is a gift from God—if we see the struggle as an invitation to model giving permission for others to speak into our lives and ask for help. If we demonstrate humility in safe relationships, our children can grow up trusting this mature way of relating, too.

We’ll get to have many conversations with our children about emotions during our season of parenthood. This blog post may help you have one of those conversations. Share this post with your family over dinner one night. Brave love starts the hard conversations and offers protection from shame.

Butterflies in your stomach –

There are few events quite like the first day of school. For weeks, you know it’s coming. You feel all the feels, and watch as your friends and family experience all the drama and delight that happens before the big day finally arrives.

The emotions that wash over you before the start of school can be the refreshing kind—like excitement, confidence, and eager anticipation. Or they can be the “I hope I just survive” kind —like dread, doubt, worry, and fear.

Perhaps “butterflies in your stomach” is a good description of this weird combination of all these emotions.

This is a true story about butterflies: They are fun to watch and beautiful to see—and they make poor line leaders. I’d never hand one of these fanciful, winged creatures the keys to my car! Butterflies go in circles and change directions without any warning. Their flight patterns look more like tangled yarn than purposeful pathways.

Butterflies are poor line leaders because they are not created to be line leaders. We can get confused if we follow them. Even if we don’t get lost, we will certainly make slow progress getting from where we are to where we are going—and we will definitely get very tired!

Emotions –

This is a true story about emotions: They are important. Emotions make life rich and powerfully real. They add value and depth to all of life’s experiences.

And emotions, like butterflies, make poor line leaders. Emotions are not created to be trustworthy taxi drivers for our travels through each day. They’re more often like hijackers than dependable guides.

Emotions are great passengers in the grand adventures of life—including the first day of school. Like your friends, you can greet them, name them, acknowledge them, wrestle with them, experience them fully—and then drop them off, until you meet them again to share a different experience.

Recognizing emotions as good passengers and bad drivers can be helpful as you navigate the beginning of a new school year. If you let emotions rule your life, they’ll tell you untrue stories —about yourself, about God, and about school.

Untrue stories –

When you make a good grade, you’re going to feel smart. When you don’t get picked for the team at recess—or if your friends ignore you, you may feel like you don’t belong. If the teacher tells you to move your clip or change your color—or if you make a bad grade, you can feel like a loser. If the teacher chooses you to be the line leader, you can feel like a winner!

Every feeling I just read to you could happen in just one day—even on the first day of school!

In less than a few hours, you may feel like a winner and a loser. You may feel smart and unworthy. The stories your emotions tell you can change in just a few seconds—as quickly as when your teacher says, “Put away the book you’re reading and get out your Math.”

The truth is, your identity never changes, even though your emotions often do. Because you have trusted the work of Jesus on the cross, you have an unchangeable identity. No matter how you feel about reading or math or being chosen or getting ignored, you are Christ in you— even on your very worst day. You always belong to God. That’s good news. And there’s more!

God’s identity never changes either. God is always love, and He is always loving you—when you feel worthy of His love, and when you don’t. God’s love is what heals your hurts and what gives you the strength to do with Him what you could never do on your own.

A true story about God and school –

God’s not grading your papers. He cares very much that you listen and work and learn; He knows that getting things right will help you, and getting things wrong will keep you confused about the way the world works. He’s more concerned about you missing out than messing up.

God doesn’t give you a bad grade when you mess up. Instead, He puts His arm around you— and offers to help. God’s hug sometimes gets delivered to you from mom or dad. You can experience His love when you let us help you with your struggles.

God doesn’t tell you to move your clip or change your color when you misbehave. God never punishes you when you struggle. Instead, God recognizes when you’ve let your emotions drive your decisions. He knows when you’ve let anger convince you to cut in line, or when you’ve let disappointment distract you from following directions.

God tells you the truth—about who He is, about who you are, and about school. He knows that when you trust Him, you’ll begin to let the truth of your identity sit in the driver’s seat of your decisions—instead of giving your emotions the keys to your behavior.

Your God-given identity will always tell you what is true, no matter what you feel. Values and convictions will grow out of your true identity—like branches grow out of the trunk of a tree. Values and convictions are the ideas you’ll grow up to believe are important in your relationships, and true about your character.

Humility –

So, welcome to a new school year, my daughter; my son. We’re going to take this adventure together. And I need your help, too.

Sometimes I let my emotions sit in the driver’s seat of my day. I let anger tell me what to say; I let frustration tell me how loud to say it. Some days I let feelings of being afraid to convince me to make choices I later wish I hadn’t made.

You have permission to respectfully remind me that emotions are more like hijackers than good line leaders. Here’s what you can lovingly say, “Mom/Dad—did you just hand your keys to a butterfly?”

This school year, can I remind you, too?

I love you, my son. I love you, my daughter.

I am so honored that you are mine.

Together, there is great hope.

It is May. Holy moly y’all this year is flying. At this rate, we will be hanging the Christmas stockings in no time. The school year is coming to a close and we are having lots of pep talks in our house about staying the course and what to do with all the feelings of being just downright done with all things that don’t look, taste, feel, and ooze summer. My boys have an official countdown until the last day of school and I can’t say that I blame them. I honestly don’t want to pack another lunch or do another night of homework (and if I’m even more honest my husband hands down does the majority of both of those activities). Since the joys of spring break came to an end, we have been having daily conversations with our older two about how the amount of days until summer are what they are, but how we choose to think about it and where we place our perspective will surely change our experience of it.

I know this is super obvious when we stop and think about it, but our perspective on something, anything, is so powerful in our experience. Just think of this one statement: “ugh, I need more patience!” versus “I have patience and can choose to use it.” One is from a place of need and one is from a place of have. One is essentially a lie as a believer (we have ALL of Jesus = ALL of his patience lives in us for us to access at all times) and one is truth. One feels discouraging and saying we are lacking and one is empowering and freeing. A simple change in perspective, some would even argue it being a matter of semantics, can drastically change our experience of something. I believe when we choose for our thoughts, perspective, circumstances, etc. to be filtered through the basic truths that God is good, He loves us, and my identity is in Him, that we experience things just as we are. At peace, rest, and abidance with God.

It can feel somewhat miserable and unpleasant when our thoughts or perspective is less than desirable (and I am sure others around us can vouch that their experience of us may even be unpleasant!). Philippians 4:8 says, “finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”God is asking us to simply think in a way that is aligned with our identity in Him. To choose to think according to who and Whose we are not according to our feelings or circumstances. If you look at each of those adjectives they can also be descriptive of Christ himself, and therefore us! God is desiring for us to think according to truth and in turn experience the fullness of Himself in and through us in ANY circumstance.

On Monday morning, my oldest, Benjamin, was on the struggle bus about going to school before the actual school bus came. I said “remember dude, going to school today is happening however you choose to think about it. But I guarantee you if you change your perspective on this, you might just enjoy your day.” Wouldn’t you know someone was all smiles and full of good stories that evening. I know it’s not always that clean cut and simple in practice—but the mind is a powerful thing. I am forever grateful that we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16).

What does forgiveness mean? 

Am I forgiven?

Do I need to forgive?

How does forgiveness play into my parenting?

Listen in on this conversation about forgiveness with Pastor Tim Chalas and Licensed Therapist, Kyndal Jacoby, LCSW.

Grace Life Lead Pastor, Tim Chalas and GLF staff member & Licensed Therapist, Kyndal Jacoby, LCSW, led a discussion recently with parents at Grace Life on the topic of Shame and Parenting. Lucky for all of us, it was recorded!

Looking back over the last several years since my first pregnancy, I can scarcely remember sleeping through the night without waking up to use the restroom. On a recent night my bladder beckoned. My baby was just under 3-months-old and still sleeping in my arms and in my bed at night. With her head burrowed right below my chin, our breathing synchronized, and our body heat radiating back and forth, it’s no surprise she’d wake, almost instantly, when I would attempt to pry myself away from her. Leaving her all alone.
By the time I took even just a few steps toward the bathroom, she would inevitably be crying. I’d beg my bladder to speed up the process so as to not pointlessly wake anyone else in the house. In the meanwhile, my brain would unavoidably jolt to life alongside the screaming in the bedroom… the norm was a million and one mom-thoughts instantaneously jostling around in my head. “Have I taken the meat out of the freezer for dinner? Is it trash day? Did I sign my daughter’s school conduct report? Are the girls’ gymnastics uniforms washed for class tomorrow? Do I have gas in the car? Will I ever…ever…get a full night’s sleep again?” Multi-tasking at it’s finest!
Yet on this particular night there was only one thought that came to mind when the stillness of the night met the piercing cries of my baby. The thought was simple and glaringly obvious. This little, precious baby is crying for me. Crying for ME! At this moment in her life, I am her EVERYTHING! She needs me, and she is physically uncomfortable when I am not beside her!”
Having returned to full cognition by this point, my brain continued to explore this realization. This seemingly uncomplicated thought began to deeply impact my heart…
I am a daughter to the Most Holy. The King of all kings. The Creator of the universe. Do I cry out for Him? When I am not close to His tender and loving arms do I get physically agitated? When my breath is not in synch with His, am I as uncomfortable as my baby is without mine?
It is these simple moments as a mom that get me every, single time. As my sweet, innocent child lay there crying out for me with such fierce intensity, she challenged me to look inward and showed me what my desperation for Jesus should look like.
I hope this story resonates with you as well. As we all start afresh this New Year, where will we find our rest? Let’s face it, we all need it. In fact, if you are anything like me, you are constantly looking for it. An uninterrupted hot shower. A car ride with no tears. An early morning cup of coffee before hearing any footsteps throughout the house. We are all tired. We are all weary. Some of us might even feel ready to throw in the towel, but be encouraged…
In Psalms 62:1-2, David proclaims, “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” When David wrote this, men were plotting against him, trying to kill him. Hmmm, [little] people, plotting against us? Not such a far stretch, right? We have all felt under attack by a toddler or two or three…Your son running at max capacity into your arms and somehow what should be a beautiful, Hallmark moment turns ugly when his head meets your nose. OUCH! Or your daughter eating her dinner so nicely until she turns on you and points a heaping spoonful of spaghetti directly at your face and….FLING!, Under attack, yes! Or as I like to call it, “Under Refinement”, but at least no one is threatening our lives. If David could find rest in his dire situation, so can we! Our Father never leaves us alone to cry.
So this year, when chaos ensues (and it will ensue), may we look to His open arms. When the unexpected occurs, may we fall at His feet. When sickness strikes, may we find stillness in His breath. When we feel hopeless, may we securely rest in the hope that only He can provide. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” [Matthew 11:28]. As much as I’d love a full night sleep again, I know it could never provide the same depth as the rest available to me, and to you, in Jesus!

I am the perfect parent. Well, that sounds so presumptuous, doesn’t it? It’s hard for me to swallow too. But it’s true. Maybe it would help if I told you how I define perfect. The word perfect found in the book of Philippians also translates complete and mature.

You see my identity is not based on my behavior but in my personhood as a child of God. God has made me complete. God has made me mature. God has made me perfect. Whether I choose to behave like who I am or not doesn’t change the truth about me.

God has also made me a parent. He has made me perfect and a parent. He has picked specific kids for me to parent. For these kids, I am the perfect parent. Most of the time, I do not FEEL like the perfect parent for these kids. Most the time, I feel like I should be saving money for their weddings, college education, and all the counseling they will need because of how much I am screwing them up.

BUT the truth is despite how I feel and even how I act at times, God has made me perfect in Him.

Let’s break this down…

In the book of Philippians, Paul has this awkward little section where he says, “Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:12) then he continues… Let us, therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you.” (Phil. 3:15)

Huh? He calls us imperfect and perfect within a few statements! Here is his point: live like who you are: parent out of our perfectness. If our attitudes/ feelings/ actions don’t line up with this truth God will reveal that.

Here is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately… so how do I parent perfectly? I know lots of “parenting gurus”, I have
heard lots of great advice…but what do I want to live from … “what would ______ do?” or even “what would Jesus do”. NO! I want to parent from “Jesus, what would you have me do?”.

Jesus is Love. Jesus lives inside me and He has made me perfect. And you know what? If you have chosen Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He lives inside of you. He has made you perfect.

You are the perfect parent for your child. It’s not based on how you feel, or how you act. If God has entrusted a child to you, He has decided you are the perfect person for that child. If you are a parent and God lives inside you. You are a perfect parent. Now, let’s enjoy Him and enjoy them.

Chaos, calm, or hiding —

Emotions. There, I’ve said the E word. We can’t live without them, and many times we don’t know how to live with them. As parents, when we don’t know—we can’t help our children.

I wrote these words on Facebook recently; it was one of my most shared posts—ever.

“Relationships that stay with us in our unpleasant emotions…and help us return to joy after we’ve processed all they offer…are
relationships that help us grow up.”

So many people commented on the post with something like, “Sometimes, this is so hard…”

It is. And when we struggle as parents, it is a gift from God—if we see the struggle as an invitation to model giving permission for others to speak into our lives and ask for help. If we demonstrate humility in safe relationships, our children can grow up trusting this mature way of relating, too.

We’ll get to have many conversations with our children about emotions during our season of parenthood. This blog post may help you have one of those conversations. Share this post with your family over dinner one night. Brave love starts the hard conversations and offers protection from shame.

Butterflies in your stomach –

There are few events quite like the first day of school. For weeks, you know it’s coming. You feel all the feels, and watch as your friends and family experience all the drama and delight that happens before the big day finally arrives.

The emotions that wash over you before the start of school can be the refreshing kind—like excitement, confidence, and eager anticipation. Or they can be the “I hope I just survive” kind —like dread, doubt, worry, and fear.

Perhaps “butterflies in your stomach” is a good description of this weird combination of all these emotions.

This is a true story about butterflies: They are fun to watch and beautiful to see—and they make poor line leaders. I’d never hand one of these fanciful, winged creatures the keys to my car! Butterflies go in circles and change directions without any warning. Their flight patterns look more like tangled yarn than purposeful pathways.

Butterflies are poor line leaders because they are not created to be line leaders. We can get confused if we follow them. Even if we don’t get lost, we will certainly make slow progress getting from where we are to where we are going—and we will definitely get very tired!

Emotions –

This is a true story about emotions: They are important. Emotions make life rich and powerfully real. They add value and depth to all of life’s experiences.

And emotions, like butterflies, make poor line leaders. Emotions are not created to be trustworthy taxi drivers for our travels through each day. They’re more often like hijackers than dependable guides.

Emotions are great passengers in the grand adventures of life—including the first day of school. Like your friends, you can greet them, name them, acknowledge them, wrestle with them, experience them fully—and then drop them off, until you meet them again to share a different experience.

Recognizing emotions as good passengers and bad drivers can be helpful as you navigate the beginning of a new school year. If you let emotions rule your life, they’ll tell you untrue stories —about yourself, about God, and about school.

Untrue stories –

When you make a good grade, you’re going to feel smart. When you don’t get picked for the team at recess—or if your friends ignore you, you may feel like you don’t belong. If the teacher tells you to move your clip or change your color—or if you make a bad grade, you can feel like a loser. If the teacher chooses you to be the line leader, you can feel like a winner!

Every feeling I just read to you could happen in just one day—even on the first day of school!

In less than a few hours, you may feel like a winner and a loser. You may feel smart and unworthy. The stories your emotions tell you can change in just a few seconds—as quickly as when your teacher says, “Put away the book you’re reading and get out your Math.”

The truth is, your identity never changes, even though your emotions often do. Because you have trusted the work of Jesus on the cross, you have an unchangeable identity. No matter how you feel about reading or math or being chosen or getting ignored, you are Christ in you— even on your very worst day. You always belong to God. That’s good news. And there’s more!

God’s identity never changes either. God is always love, and He is always loving you—when you feel worthy of His love, and when you don’t. God’s love is what heals your hurts and what gives you the strength to do with Him what you could never do on your own.

A true story about God and school –

God’s not grading your papers. He cares very much that you listen and work and learn; He knows that getting things right will help you, and getting things wrong will keep you confused about the way the world works. He’s more concerned about you missing out than messing up.

God doesn’t give you a bad grade when you mess up. Instead, He puts His arm around you— and offers to help. God’s hug sometimes gets delivered to you from mom or dad. You can experience His love when you let us help you with your struggles.

God doesn’t tell you to move your clip or change your color when you misbehave. God never punishes you when you struggle. Instead, God recognizes when you’ve let your emotions drive your decisions. He knows when you’ve let anger convince you to cut in line, or when you’ve let disappointment distract you from following directions.

God tells you the truth—about who He is, about who you are, and about school. He knows that when you trust Him, you’ll begin to let the truth of your identity sit in the driver’s seat of your decisions—instead of giving your emotions the keys to your behavior.

Your God-given identity will always tell you what is true, no matter what you feel. Values and convictions will grow out of your true identity—like branches grow out of the trunk of a tree. Values and convictions are the ideas you’ll grow up to believe are important in your relationships, and true about your character.

Humility –

So, welcome to a new school year, my daughter; my son. We’re going to take this adventure together. And I need your help, too.

Sometimes I let my emotions sit in the driver’s seat of my day. I let anger tell me what to say; I let frustration tell me how loud to say it. Some days I let feelings of being afraid to convince me to make choices I later wish I hadn’t made.

You have permission to respectfully remind me that emotions are more like hijackers than good line leaders. Here’s what you can lovingly say, “Mom/Dad—did you just hand your keys to a butterfly?”

This school year, can I remind you, too?

I love you, my son. I love you, my daughter.

I am so honored that you are mine.

Together, there is great hope.

As a parent, some of our greatest fears, and inevitably greatest pains, are to watch our children struggle with the weight of this fallen world we live in.  I know we would all like to exist in a place that pain (sometimes so intense that we falsely believe the only way to escape it is death) was not a reality for our precious children or ourselves. This side of heaven, the only way to experience true freedom from pain, darkness, and death, is to put our faith and trust in The One Who conquered all pain, darkness, and death. As a fellow believer, I know this is your heart’s desire for your children.

I wish it was not the case, but the harsh reality is that suicide is an ever-present phenomenon that our children may have to navigate. It is ALL too relevant for every single one of us.

In the book The Cure and Parents, the authors say “we get to give our kids the best of us– earning permission to influence them, mature them, know them, give guidance to them, protect them, love them, free them, and show them a magnificent God and an authentic life that will hold up for their entire lifetime.” They continued to state, “they get to watch us trusting God. They watch us mature and heal and become freer…they get to enjoy, instead of maneuvering around, the very ones who have loved them most.”

So as parents walking in faith, how do we deal with this reality? How can our children see us trusting God with this harrowing topic? I would like to give you some practical thoughts and ideas to help support you as a parent not only in having conversations about suicide, but in how to help create an environment for these tough topics to be discussed.

LISTEN: Everyone wants to be heard. When our children are little we oftentimes say “use your words.” As they get older we can find ourselves saying “I don’t want to hear it” or “It doesn’t matter that…” and don’t realize we are stunting open communication. Then in turn we expect them to be open and honest when we want specific answers or want to have a tough conversation. I encourage you to hear your child out. Then they are more likely to hear you out.

VALIDATE: We do not have to understand, agree with, or even like how our child is thinking or feeling. But giving them the gift of validation is life giving and incredibly freeing. Simple ways of doing this are responding with “Gosh I’m so sorry you feel that way,” or “man it’s tough to be dealing with all of that.” How they feel in that moment is in direct correlation with what they are believing to be true, but we cannot have access to help influence and guide their beliefs if we first don’t recognize, validate, and show they can trust us with their thoughts and feelings. Take what they have to say seriously. What is a big deal to them may not seem like a big deal to us.

RESPOND: How we respond to our child’s words, actions, or lack of action (from day one) greatly shapes our child’s ability to trust us with their thoughts and feelings. I am not suggesting our children can never see us upset or frustrated, but in those moments modeling for them how to trust God is essential in gaining their trust. Or when we make a poor choice in not trusting God and whom we are in Christ, acknowledging that and asking our children for forgiveness. We, our homes, are called to be their safe space, their place of refuge from the world and the lies it throws at them. Even if we are freaking out on the inside, I encourage you to respond calmly in love. So often children do not open up to their parents because they are fearful of their reaction. Fear and shame come hand in hand and are a powerful tool of the enemy. Our reactions to small things project to them how we will respond to big, hard things.

FIGHT FOR THEM, NOT WITH THEM: I believe our children need to know and see us fighting for them instead of with them. This entails us saying things like “you may not understand my decision on (fill in the blank), but it is being made because I am listening to the Holy Spirit and fighting for you in this area.” Our children want, despite what it seems sometimes, to know we have their backs and are engaged in the hard fight with them. As they get older this definitely begins to be more behind the scenes. I am not suggesting you carrying all the burden/fight, but having your “fight for them” be done in guidance, support, and consistently pointing them to their Creator.

HAVE THE HARD CONVERSATIONS: No family is immune to hard things. It is the nature of this world. Even if your children are happy and excelling, intentionally having these hard conversations speaks volumes to their hearts. They will at some point, either personally or watching a friend struggle, have to trust Jesus with thoughts of death. Below are some tips on having conversations on suicide, which can also be applied to many hard topics:

Timing: Pick a time that you are most likely to have you child’s attention and a captive audience. Even if teens seem to portray otherwise, they want our time. If you are having a hard time with communication from your child, engage in an activity they enjoy in order to create a space to hang out and speak truth.

Make a game plan: Think and pray about what you specifically want to communicate to your child knowing their heart and needs. It is okay (actually it’s a gift to our child) for us to admit to them that this is a hard topic. It acknowledges and validates to them that you recognize the discomfort and potential difficulty in having these types of conversations which helps to allow them to openly express their discomfort.

Ask hard questions: Be direct with your children. Ask them what they think about suicide, if they have ever had thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves or wanting to die. Ask them if this is something that they talk about with their friends. Self-harm is not synonymous with suicide or suicidal thoughts, however self-harm is also to be taken very seriously. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are a real thing in this fallen world and are nothing to be ashamed of as a child or parent. If your child responds saying they have had thoughts of self-harm, suicide, depression, or anxiety, then explore this further with them and let them know because you love them you want to think and pray on how to proceed as a family. If you feel like your child is in immediate danger, always act accordingly and seek immediate help.

*A helpful tool to access possible warning signs is at the bottom.

 Be Honest: Let them into your struggles. At an age appropriate level, it is always encouraged to share our past and even present struggles with our children. It helps them know they are not alone. It is also an amazing way to allow our children to watch us trust God. The more they see us trusting Him, the more they are able to trust us AND choose to trust Him also.

Make a plan together: Because these, and other topics, are things we want to address throughout the years, make a plan with your child on how that will look. You can say things like “because I know life can throw us hard things, I would love to revisit this together in the future. Let’s plan to talk again in a couple of weeks/months, and know you can always come to me before then.” When there is a suicide (or any hard topic) with a social media presence or a presence in your direct life, allow this to be an opportunity to catapult a conversation with your child. Ask their thoughts on the recent event. If your child has revealed something of concern SEEK HELP. Some children ask to speak to a counselor; some fear it like the plague. But please do not sit idle on concerns. Trust Christ in you to take action regardless of your child’s receptiveness to it.

You cannot give someone the idea of suicide by talking about the subject. Contrary to that belief, talking about suicide brings the topic to light, allowing truth to be revealed in this arena.

Ephesians 5:13 says “but all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”

John 1:5 states “the Light (Christ, Truth) shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”

It is human nature to want to avoid and escape pain. We know that the only true freedom when there is pain is through a dependent life In Christ. If you need any help or would like to talk through something specific, please feel the freedom to speak with me or someone on staff. It is a humbling privilege to walk alongside people in their scariest, darkest, and most challenging moments. I pray for you and your conversations with your children. You are fully equipped and have the true resource, Jesus, living in and through you.

*Helpful Tool to Access Possible Warning Signs:

FEELINGS that, again, seem different from the past, like hopelessness; fear of losing control; helplessness; worthlessness; feeling anxious, worried or angry often

ACTIONS that are different from the way your child acted in the past, especially things like talking about death or suicide, taking dangerous risks, withdrawing from activities or sports or using alcohol or drugs

CHANGES in personality, behavior, sleeping patterns, eating habits; loss of interest in friends or activities or sudden improvement after a period of being down or withdrawn

THREATS that convey a sense of hopelessness, worthlessness, or preoccupation with death (“Life doesn’t seem worth it sometimes”; “I wish I were dead”; “Heaven’s got to be better than this”); plans like giving away favorite things, studying ways to die, obtaining a weapon or stash of pills; suicide attempts like overdosing or cutting.

SITUATIONS that can serve as “trigger points” for suicidal behaviors. These include things like loss or death; humiliations, rejections, or failures, getting in trouble at home, in school or with the law; a break-up; or impending changes for which your child feels scared or unprepared.

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE THE PLACE OF CONSULTING WITH A MENTAL HEALTH PRACTITIONER. IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH OR THE MENTAL HEALTH OF YOUR CHILD OR LOVED ONE, SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.