Click HERE to listen in as Grace Life Lead Pastor: Tim Chalas, Family Ministries Director: Emily Soule, and Youth Director: Kayla Simoneaux talk about the important of discussion sex and purity with our kids and teens.

For more on this topic, check out these other posts…

Questions to ask our teens about sex…by Emily Soule

Parenting, Purity, and Perspective by Tim Chalas

The cartoon above is outdated…I know…but you get the point. Teenagers know more than we think they do and they are getting information from people and places that are NOT us.

Sometimes, talking with teens about sex can be awkward! The questions below are designed to be conversation starters with your child (ages 11-18). 

These don’t all need to be asked. They don’t all need to be asked in a particular order. Our hope is that these questions will help you begin a conversation with your teen.

BEFORE YOU ASK: Choose the time you throw one of these questions out wisely. You know your kid and when they are the most chatty. Do not act shock or surprise if/ when they share something (even if you feel that way). 

LISTEN! Respond – Do NOT react! Wait, for them to ask you what you think. 

ALWAYS let them know how grateful you are that they shared with you. 

Questions to ask your teen to begin the conversation about sex? 

(Not all BUT many of these questions are taken from The Grown Ups Guide to Teenage Humans by Josh Shipp)

• Besides physical attributes(cuteness, etc.) what other factors or characteriscs are important to you in someone you date right now? 
• When you think about your future husband or wife, what characteriscs do you want them to have?
• Sex is an aspect of some relationships.  What do you think about sex? 
• What is something that confuses you about sex? 
• What do you think are 2 main benefits of sex? 
• What do you think is the difference between healthy sex and unhealthy sex? 
• Where do you think most teenagers learn about sex? 
• Pornography is widely available today. Do you feel that this has a negative impact on your generation in general? Why or why not? 
• I know you love (insert movie), what makes you love it so much? 
• There is a lot of buzz around (insert famous person and what they said or did. EX: recent Super Bowl half time show?) What are your thoughts on that ?

This coming Sunday, I will have the opportunity to speak with our Middle School students at Grace Life about purity. Moreover, sexual purity and what does God say about it? I thought I would share with you a few of my notes for this Sunday. Some of this wording may help you when your teen is ready to hear your thoughts on questions mentioned above. 

• Purity is a gift from God and it cannot be taken away. 
• We are pure because God made us pure. 
• If we believe the 2 statements above, how does that affect our behavior? 
• If we believe the 2 statements above, why does it matter what we do with our hands? What our eyes look at? What words come out of our mouths? 

Sex. The mere mention of the word conjures up feelings that run the full spectrum of our emotional scale. Maybe the only thing more intimidating than the word itself is teaching our kids about it! The Birds and the Bees make it sound so easy and simple but if you are a parent, you know better. Our kids are living in a fast-paced, visual world, and the language, messages, and images about sex today are not veiled in symbolism such as birds and bees, but are in your face, blatant, raw, and shocking! I have had “the talk” with my own kids and am so glad I did…they taught me so much!!! I wanted to believe that in their ignorance, they were innocent but soon realized that in their innocence they were ignorant! That is a recipe for being naïve and susceptible to the lies out there. They had already heard words and seen some things I had hoped they hadn’t but they had been left to their own understanding of it all and needed the truth about it, not so much insulation from it.

How are we to help teach, protect, nurture, and guide our kids as they navigate through the onslaught of social media, images, music, computers, video games, television, culture, and all that is out there in the world, not to mention the onslaught of hormones that are in them? In short, how do we help our kids live pure lives in an impure world? First of all, let me encourage you that the situation is far from hopeless. Listen to these words in Titus:

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, teaching us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age.” – Titus 2:11-12

Because of God’s grace, we have hope, we are not alone, and we are loved with unquestioned certainty in the midst of uncertain times…and so are our kids! By His doing, we have been made new creations, holy and righteous, we have been given a new heart, desiring exactly what He desires (regardless of how we feel) and we have His indwelling Spirit so that we are never alone or without His power to be able to “do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.” Purity is not something we can achieve, it is the Life of Jesus we have received! We are pure because God made us pure…now the only sensible thing to do is live like who we are. This is the reality that our kids need to know and that we need to know. This is the gospel…the good news that sets us free!