Advent literally means the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event. Today the season of Advent (including 4 Sundays) leading up to Christmas is a time when the church reflects on the long-awaited, planned out, and thought through arrival of Jesus.

This season lends itself to an opportunity to connect spiritually as a family as well as to spend some time in God’s word. The Christmas season is full of hustle and bustle. Grace Life has put together some Advent reflections. Each week we hope you find something for everyone! There is no pressure to do it all or any of it but simply to use it as it helps. There are scripture readings, devotional questions, music and movies suggestions for all ages, a mission opportunity, an advent experience, and a suggestion to share on social media. Our heart through these Advent pages is to offer some options that may help our families be reminded and our minds be renewed on the Person of Christmas.

As we read the stories this Advent season, we remember what God did to win us back and celebrate that Christ has come! It is finished! The work of the cross has been done! And we have been made new! We can experience all of Christ today.

We hope you enjoy this season of Advent as we remember the work that God has done and continues to do in and through us today. May this be a resource for you to share your faith and connect spiritually with your family and friends.

Here is a fun Advent Trivia Fact:

Did you know the Advent Wreath tells a story? The wreath is a circle that reminds us God is eternal. The wreath is green which reminds us of our hope in Christ. It has candles in it, and when lit reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the World.

Note: If a daily scripture reading is something you would enjoy this holiday season, The Jesus Storybook Bible has exactly 25 stories from creation to the birth of Christ. It is a great read for kids or adults.

Bible Recommendations:

All of these bibles may be purchased at the bookstore at GLF

-Families with children 2yrs of age – 3^rdgraders: The Jesus Storybook Bible

-Families with children 4^th-8^thgrade: NIV Adventure Bible

-Families with teens: new NIV or ESV Teen Study Bible

-Adults: NASB or ESV

Merry Christmas. Advent Week 1 is NOW!

Click HERE  to download a printable version of Advent Week One.

This is a four part series that was recorded on Sunday mornings at Grace Life Fellowship. Listen in as Juan and Kyndal Jacoby, along with Jervey and Tracey Cheveallier discuss the topic of raising boys.

Week One: Do I have what it takes?

Listen in to Week 1 here:

Listen in to Week 2 here:

Listen in to Week 3 here:

Listen in to Week 4 here:

Click HERE to listen in as Grace Life Lead Pastor: Tim Chalas, Family Ministries Director: Emily Soule, and Youth Director: Kayla Simoneaux talk about the important of discussion sex and purity with our kids and teens.

For more on this topic, check out these other posts…

Questions to ask our teens about sex…by Emily Soule

Parenting, Purity, and Perspective by Tim Chalas

Jesus is the Joy of the world. The Angel said to the shepherds in the field that night “I bring you Good News of Great Joy!” Jesus is our great joy!
May this week before Christmas be one where we see the Joy that is Jesus!

Also make sure and check out the Advent idea “You’ve been Tinsled!”

Click HERE  to download a printable version of Advent Week Three.

Jesus is the PEACE of the world.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the
peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in
Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7.

The peace of God that surpasses all understanding! Ahhhhhh!
Doesn’t that kind of peace sound good? That peace is Jesus! Jesus is Peace.

Click HERE to download a printable version of Advent Week Two.

Advent literally means the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event. Today the season of Advent (including 4 Sundays) leading up to Christmas is a time when the church reflects on the long-awaited, planned out, and thought through arrival of Jesus.

This season lends itself to an opportunity to connect spiritually as a family as well as to spend some time in God’s word. The Christmas season is full of hustle and bustle. Grace Life has put together some Advent reflections. Each week we hope you find something for everyone! There is no pressure to do it all or any of it but simply to use it as it helps. There are scripture readings, devotional questions, music and movies suggestions for all ages, a mission opportunity, an advent experience, and a suggestion to share on social media. Our heart through these Advent pages is to offer some options that may help our families be reminded and our minds be renewed on the Person of Christmas.

As we read the stories this Advent season, we remember what God did to win us back and celebrate that Christ has come! It is finished! The work of the cross has been done! And we have been made new! We can experience all of Christ today.

We hope you enjoy this season of Advent as we remember the work that God has done and continues to do in and through us today. May this be a resource for you to share your faith and connect spiritually with your family and friends.

Here is a fun Advent Trivia Fact:

Did you know the Advent Wreath tells a story? The wreath is a circle that reminds us God is eternal. The wreath is green which reminds us of our hope in Christ. It has candles in it, and when lit reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the World.

Note: If a daily scripture reading is something you would enjoy this holiday season, The Jesus Storybook Bible has exactly 25 stories from creation to the birth of Christ. It is a great read for kids or adults.

Bible Recommendations:

All of these bibles may be purchased at the bookstore at GLF

-Families with children 2yrs of age – 3^rdgraders: The Jesus Storybook Bible

-Families with children 4^th-8^thgrade: NIV Adventure Bible

-Families with teens: new NIV or ESV Teen Study Bible

-Adults: NASB or ESV

Merry Christmas. Advent Week 1 is NOW!

Click HERE  to download a printable version of Advent Week One.

November. The month of everything pumpkin, dipping temperatures, and a whole lot of THANKFULNESS. It is such a great time of year in so many ways! Even though we recognize we have things we are grateful for throughout the year, the month just brings about a larger emphasis on reflecting and expressing our gratitude. We think there is a whole lot of good that comes from slowing down and intentionally taking time to be thankful. Although this could be all about stopping and thinking about all the wonderful things in our lives, our hearts are feeling something slightly different. In the last couple of weeks, we have had countless conversations, texts, emails, and phone calls from people that are hurting, struggling, and walking through incredibly hard things. Granted we know that being a therapist (Kyndal) and a family ministries director (Emily), that this comes with the territory. As we are thinking about Thanksgiving we can’t also help but think about how hard it can be to experience the holidays when life is currently really tough.

It feels WAY more natural to be thankful when things are going well. Sometimes it can be a little painful, challenging, and even frustrating when the waves are crashing down. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to “give thanks in all circumstances.” Although we know it’s true, that hits hard sometimes when things aren’t looking quite how we hoped. It is especially in those moments where we have to remind ourselves, let others remind us, and fix our eyes on who God is; His character. He is love. He is powerful. Faithful. All knowing and sovereign. He is for you and has not abandoned you. This rings true 365, every year. We have said it with a smile and we have said it through tears and frustration. He is our hope.

Our kids experience painful life moments too. Being thankful in the tough moments of life is hard for them as well. As parents, when we lean into Jesus in the hard moments and see His goodness, our kids are able to see what it looks like to depend on Jesus. Our moments of thankfulness in trials encourage our kids to walk in this way as well.

We encourage you this week to find an opportunity to share with your children a time you saw Jesus in a season of trial and what you were thankful for in the midst of it. Allowing our kids these glimpses into our own struggle and redemption story builds trust.

May we all fix our eyes on Christ and trust that He is the bread of life, and we shall never be hungry or thirsty again (John 6:35). I know that God is so faithful and will express His love to you and through you. You are the perfect and chosen expression of the bread of life to your family!

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

Kyndal Jacoby and Emily Soule

Here are a few quality items that you may want to consider adding to your kids’ Easter Basket AND the great news is you can buy them all online! We are not receiving any form of payment for recommending these. Scroll down to find your child’s age group. We just really like them and thought you might too…

Kids ages 6-8

• Kids Read Romans: by Kids Read Truth – take a trip through the book of Romans with Mr. Mosse and his students. Your six – week adventure will include a different Bible verse to read each day, plus a fun activity, coloring page or puzzle to go with it. At the end of each week, you’ll uncover a new step on the Romans Road, where you’ll learn about Jesus and play with fun sticker versions of new animal friends.
• ABC Bible Flashcards: Use the flashcards to hide God’s word in your heart! Practice memorizing the verses on the back, then hold up the letter side and quiz yourself or your family to see who remembers the verse for that letter.
• Indescribable:100 devotions about God and Science. It’s impossible to out-imagine God. He orchestrates time, creates light, and speaks things into existence—from the largest stars to the smallest starfish. God is a powerful, purposeful, personal, unparalleled Creator.
• The Jesus Storybook Coloring Book: Filled with inspiring content that has made The Jesus Storybook Bible one of the most beloved children’s Bibles ever created, this book of beautiful, award-winning illustrations from Jago is ready to be colored in any way a child can imagine.
• New Covenant Kids Book Collection: This bundle contains Grace Life Teaching Pastor, Frank Friedmann’s three kids books, including Who Am I?, and If I’m Right, Why Do I Keep Doing Wrong, as well as I Was Wrong, But God Made Me Right! Through these books, children can learn about their identity in Christ, being plugged into Jesus, and what it means to have Christ live in you!

Kids ages 9-12

• Together, a journal for mom and me: Together, a Journal for Mom and Me: A Guided Experience Connecting Moms and Kids to God and Each Other provides an inviting place for moms and kids to talk about both important and everyday stuff. Whether it’s favorite vacations or Bible verses, this unique journal gives families space to learn about each other and presents opportunities for growth in relationship with God together.
• NIrV Adventure Bible: The NIrV Adventure Bible® will get kids excited about reading the Scriptures! Kids will be captivated with the full-color features that make reading the Bible and memorizing their favorite verses engaging and fun. Along the way they will meet all types of people, see all sorts of places, and learn all kinds of things about the Bible. It comes in faux leather blue and pink, and hardback.

Teens ages 13 – 18

• A Journaling or Illustrating Bible: There are lots of great ones out there. Some considered more girly and some more manly. We recommend ESV, NKJV, or NIrV versions. These Bibles give more margin space for writing or word art.

• Life According to Perfect: Come join a story too great to imagine, but a story that’s surprisingly yours. Terrific stories have been written about following and meeting with Jesus. They happen on a high place or in a magical land. But what if the meeting didn’t happen in a distant or magical place, somewhere you had to go? What if it occurred inside of you—every day, at any moment—and you were God’s happiest, most magical place to be? Meet Elliot Samuelson. He’s 12 and lives in the little town of Sarx. He has already learned to cope. He copes with his dad’s expectations. He copes with his mom’s need for a sparkling family image. He copes with his teacher’s rules. He copes with the bully’s threats. He’s a coper.  In fact, everyone in Sarx has from a young age learned how to cope—and that’s the problem. They all know how to cope. But no one knows how to truly live, until Elliot meets a stranger on the edge of town, who shows him a better way. A Perfect way. And Elliot’s life, and the town’s, are never the same. Yours won’t be, either.

• MONEY – They ALL want money in their Easter baskets!

Young Adults: 19 – 25-year-olds

• Trust for Today: 365 Days of Encouragement. Trust is vital in our families, communities, businesses, churches, and daily life, yet many of us struggle with trusting other people and even God Himself. We may have been hurt or had our trust broken in a key area, so we choose to try to do life by ourselves. We may not understand what trust really looks like in our everyday lives. Yet trust is what frees us to enjoy the life God has intended for us.
• Unashamed: FOR GIRLS Take a fresh look at dating for a new generation of young women. This conversation will encourage you as Tracy Levinson shares grace infused insight, wisdom, laughter and liberating truth. unashamed is for young women, and people in their lives who adore them. This list includes moms, dads, brothers, grandparents, boyfriends, and church leaders. Tracy Levinson candidly explores pivotal questions asked by this millennial generation. 
• MONEY – They ALL want money in their Easter baskets!

It is obvious our children are not oblivious to the change and news buzzing around them pertaining to COVID-19. When hard, uncertain, and uncharted territories come our way we can sometimes suddenly feel ill equipped or unsure of how to discuss these topics with our kids. Our children (well, heck really any of us) can tend to worry and fear more when they are kept in the dark. Fear is a dark, lonely, and cruddy companion where lies come to reside. Scripture countlessly reminds us that there is great freedom in truth. As the weeks go on and things are disrupted for longer, we are likely to get more and more questions. So how do we as parents navigate being honest with our kids without overwhelming them with the weight of the coronavirus?

• PREPARE YOUR MIND: I encourage you to first start with examining your own thoughts and feelings about the current state of our world near and far. Take some time to talk and process for yourself so that you are better prepared mentally and emotionally to be present for your child. It is certainly okay to be struggling ourselves and when we are aware of our own feelings and fears we can model dependence on Christ for our children. 

• LISTEN, VALIDATE, and RESPOND: Hear your kid out. Start by asking them how they are feeling about what they are hearing or about the changes in their daily life. Validate their thoughts and feelings in order for them to continue to feel safe to share. Respond in truth and love.

• AGE APPROPRIATE: Obviously conversations will look different with a 6-year-old and 16-year-old. You know your kid best and how their brain is wired. It’s great to start with questions to see where their thinking is and what they are specifically worried about. Kids are ego-centric. They are going to be most concerned about themselves getting sick or someone close to them (i.e. parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.). Ask what they have heard, what they are thinking, and what they are feeling. It is better to stick to answering what they ask (age appropriately) and see if your answer suffices. 

• PERSPECTIVE: How we look at our circumstances will greatly shape our experience of it. Help your child pull out the things in their own lives that they can see as good in this. What have they enjoyed about this change in pace, schedule, etc.? Have they seen people doing kind things or supportive things for others in this hard season? In no way does this erase or lessen the realness of this pandemic, but it can help us remember God’s character and love for us. It’s beauty from ashes. 

• POINT THEM TO JESUS: We don’t have to have all the answers, but we can teach them how to trust the One who does have all the answers. You can take a look at different bible stories where people went through very hard, scary, or uncertain circumstances and help them see God’s love and faithfulness in and through it. It is not God’s goal this side of heaven to eliminate struggle. He desires for us to depend on Him in the struggle. This is a great opportunity for our children of all ages to see and hear how we are actively trusting God with our thoughts and feelings in this uncertainty. 

• KEEP AN OPEN DIALOGUE: What our kids need most is assurance and security. Let them know they are always free to ask questions and to share their thoughts and feelings. Continue to periodically check in with your kid on the things you talked about.

I know we would all like to exist in a place where illness, uncertainty, and death were not a reality. This side of heaven, the only way to experience true freedom from our fears is to put our faith and trust in The One Who conquered fear. Our God is a living God and He is powerful God. His love, power, and truth have risen and set the sun, parted the Red Sea, conquered Goliath with a boy and a stone, and broke down walls (literally and figuratively). That same God is with you and speaking through you as you are having hard conversations with your child. You are fully equipped! There is hope because He is the same God yesterday, today, and for every tomorrow.

To all my new homeschooling friends, WELCOME!  Take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay.  First and foremost, remember God specifically designed your children for you.  You know them better than anyone else.  You have been loving, caring, and providing for your child since birth. 

I’ve been homeschooling for about 10 years and I know this journey well and you are not alone.  Reach out to your homeschooling friends and ask for advice and support.  I promise you they will come to your rescue because even though we have chosen to homeschool we know we can’t do it without a community of our peers by our side.  We don’t have all the answers, but we can encourage and pray with you.   

Here are a few of my tips to help you

–       Lean on God each day to use the patience and peace He has given you to lead your children well

–       Laugh.  A LOT.

–       Keep perspective and look at what you have accomplished over the week not just that day

–       You don’t need desks, do school at the kitchen table, outside, on the couch, upside down.

–       Play outside!

–       Establish a basic routine not a minute by minute routine (ex. wake up time, breakfast, school, lunch, unfinished school)

–       Your kids can entertain themselves – have books, art supplies, footballs, and toys readily available for their use

–       Help your child with a routine and staying on track but ultimately they need to be responsible for their schoolwork.

–       Utilize your new school uniform, pajamas!

–       Break your routine sometimes BECAUSE YOU CAN- watch a movie, go out for ice cream, walk around the block – enjoy this new freedom.

You will find homeschooling is as much a lifestyle choice as an educational model. Use this new time together to deepen your relationship with your children.  Even on the days I want to put my kids on the bus, I remember that God has gifted me this opportunity to pour truth and love into their developing hearts.  At this end of this disruption, your biggest success will be pointing them to Jesus.

The cartoon above is outdated…I know…but you get the point. Teenagers know more than we think they do and they are getting information from people and places that are NOT us.

Sometimes, talking with teens about sex can be awkward! The questions below are designed to be conversation starters with your child (ages 11-18). 

These don’t all need to be asked. They don’t all need to be asked in a particular order. Our hope is that these questions will help you begin a conversation with your teen.

BEFORE YOU ASK: Choose the time you throw one of these questions out wisely. You know your kid and when they are the most chatty. Do not act shock or surprise if/ when they share something (even if you feel that way). 

LISTEN! Respond – Do NOT react! Wait, for them to ask you what you think. 

ALWAYS let them know how grateful you are that they shared with you. 

Questions to ask your teen to begin the conversation about sex? 

(Not all BUT many of these questions are taken from The Grown Ups Guide to Teenage Humans by Josh Shipp)

• Besides physical attributes(cuteness, etc.) what other factors or characteriscs are important to you in someone you date right now? 
• When you think about your future husband or wife, what characteriscs do you want them to have?
• Sex is an aspect of some relationships.  What do you think about sex? 
• What is something that confuses you about sex? 
• What do you think are 2 main benefits of sex? 
• What do you think is the difference between healthy sex and unhealthy sex? 
• Where do you think most teenagers learn about sex? 
• Pornography is widely available today. Do you feel that this has a negative impact on your generation in general? Why or why not? 
• I know you love (insert movie), what makes you love it so much? 
• There is a lot of buzz around (insert famous person and what they said or did. EX: recent Super Bowl half time show?) What are your thoughts on that ?

This coming Sunday, I will have the opportunity to speak with our Middle School students at Grace Life about purity. Moreover, sexual purity and what does God say about it? I thought I would share with you a few of my notes for this Sunday. Some of this wording may help you when your teen is ready to hear your thoughts on questions mentioned above. 

• Purity is a gift from God and it cannot be taken away. 
• We are pure because God made us pure. 
• If we believe the 2 statements above, how does that affect our behavior? 
• If we believe the 2 statements above, why does it matter what we do with our hands? What our eyes look at? What words come out of our mouths? 

Sex. The mere mention of the word conjures up feelings that run the full spectrum of our emotional scale. Maybe the only thing more intimidating than the word itself is teaching our kids about it! The Birds and the Bees make it sound so easy and simple but if you are a parent, you know better. Our kids are living in a fast-paced, visual world, and the language, messages, and images about sex today are not veiled in symbolism such as birds and bees, but are in your face, blatant, raw, and shocking! I have had “the talk” with my own kids and am so glad I did…they taught me so much!!! I wanted to believe that in their ignorance, they were innocent but soon realized that in their innocence they were ignorant! That is a recipe for being naïve and susceptible to the lies out there. They had already heard words and seen some things I had hoped they hadn’t but they had been left to their own understanding of it all and needed the truth about it, not so much insulation from it.

How are we to help teach, protect, nurture, and guide our kids as they navigate through the onslaught of social media, images, music, computers, video games, television, culture, and all that is out there in the world, not to mention the onslaught of hormones that are in them? In short, how do we help our kids live pure lives in an impure world? First of all, let me encourage you that the situation is far from hopeless. Listen to these words in Titus:

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, teaching us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age.” – Titus 2:11-12

Because of God’s grace, we have hope, we are not alone, and we are loved with unquestioned certainty in the midst of uncertain times…and so are our kids! By His doing, we have been made new creations, holy and righteous, we have been given a new heart, desiring exactly what He desires (regardless of how we feel) and we have His indwelling Spirit so that we are never alone or without His power to be able to “do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.” Purity is not something we can achieve, it is the Life of Jesus we have received! We are pure because God made us pure…now the only sensible thing to do is live like who we are. This is the reality that our kids need to know and that we need to know. This is the gospel…the good news that sets us free!

Jesus is the Joy of the world. The Angel said to the shepherds in the field that night “I bring you Good News of Great Joy!” Jesus is our great joy!
May this week before Christmas be one where we see the Joy that is Jesus!

Also make sure and check out the Advent idea “You’ve been Tinsled!”

Jesus is the PEACE of the world.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the
peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in
Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7.

The peace of God that surpasses all understanding! Ahhhhhh!
Doesn’t that kind of peace sound good? That peace is Jesus! Jesus is Peace.

Advent literally means the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event. Today, the season of Advent (including 4 Sundays) leading up to Christmas is a time when the church reflects on the long-awaited, planned out, and thought through arrival of Jesus.

This season lends itself to an opportunity to connect spiritually as a family as well as to spend some time in God’s word. The Christmas season is full of hustle and bustle. Grace Life has put together some Advent reflections. Each week we hope you find something for everyone! There is no pressure to do it all or any of it but simply to use it as it helps. There are scripture readings, devotional questions, music and movie suggestions for all ages, a mission opportunity, an advent experience, and a suggestion to share on social media. Our heart through these Advent pages is to offer some options that may help our families be reminded and set our minds on the Person of Christmas. 

As we read the stories this Advent season, we remember what God did to win us back and celebrate that Christ has come! It is finished! The work of the cross has been done and we have been made new! We can experience all of Christ today.

Grace Life Fellowship is doing a sermon series on the Gift of Jesus, in conjunction with the Advent theme for each week. You can listen along on our weekly podcast, click HERE or simply search for Grace Life Fellowship wherever you get your podcast from or on our facebook page, where we stream each Sunday morning service LIVE. 

We hope you enjoy this season of Advent as we remember the work that God has done and continues to do in and through us today. May this be a resource for you to share your faith and connect spiritually with your family and friends.

Here is a fun Advent Trivia Fact: 

Did you know the Advent Wreath tells a story? The wreath is a circle that reminds us God is eternal. The wreath is green which reminds us of our hope in Christ. It has candles in it, and when lit reminds us that Jesus is the Light of the World.

Note: If a daily scripture reading is something you would enjoy this holiday season, The Jesus Storybook Bible has exactly 25 stories from creation to the birth of Christ. It is a great read for kids or adults.

Merry Christmas. Advent Week 1 is NOW!

Shame. It is one of the greatest tools that the enemy uses to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). Kill our kindness towards ourselves, steal our ability to experience love and joy, and can destruct relationships like no other. In THIS previous post, I laid out the role shame can play and the truth that shame has NO PLACE to dwell in the heart of a child of God. As we are journeying together through this beautifully messy thing called parenting, I know it is each of our hearts for our children to not only know but experience the love God has for them through the way we love them.

Sometimes when I think about the magnitude of it all, I can find myself nearly begging God for my children to turn out okay – more for their sake than for mine. No one desires for their child to continue to struggle into adulthood or choose to live life contrary to who they are in Christ. I am then reminded and reassured that it’s not all up to me and that my primary act of obedience is to depend on Him and His ways, not my own. To trust what resides within me. Simple in theory, oftentimes oh so challenging in practice. In the book The Cure and Parents, the authors say

“we get to give our kids the best of us– earning permission to influence them, mature them, know them, give guidance to them, protect them, love them, free them, and show them a magnificent God and an authentic life that will hold up for their entire lifetime.” They continued to state, “they get to watch us trusting God. They watch us mature and heal and become freer…they get to enjoy, instead of maneuvering around, the very ones who have loved them most.”

Because I know I am not alone in that, I thought I would share some tangible areas we as parents can walk out fostering love and grace, standing victorious with Christ (and our kiddos) over shame.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the pathway for love to freely flow. It is the very cornerstone our relationship with God is built on. It was the exact thing that God did in order for him to fully experience us and us to fully experience Him. Therefore, forgiving ourselves and others is essential in experiencing the depth of God’s promises for ourselves, to be an expression of those promises to others, and to experience the fullness of community with those around us. Forgiveness invites acceptance to love someone right where they are; remembering Whose they are to begin with. I know it can sound like all of this is flowery and pretty, but love is hard and messy a lot of the time. But I have experienced trusting God when it is difficult, confusing, and exhausting and watching it turn into a beautiful thing. Walking in our forgiveness from God and extending that forgiveness to ourselves and others removes the barriers allowing love to flow just as it was designed to.

Belongingness

We have all been there. As a kid wanting a place to belong at lunch in the cafeteria. As an adult, really hoping when we walk into that social event we have at least one person we feel safe with. We are wired deeply to be loved and belong. We are all biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually created to love, be loved, and to belong. Love and belongingness is not something we earn. It’s our birthright in Christ Jesus. And if that’s true of our relationship with God, then that is true of our relationship as parent and child. I belong as my boy’s mother and they belong as my sons. Obviously, the experience of this love can for sure be tampered with if anyone in the equation is living in fear, lies, or shame. Even in tough seasons or with personalities that challenge the heck out of us, our kids belong in our home. You belong in your home. You are the chosen parent God so delightfully appointed to parent your child. When we are believing truth about ourselves, and our role as their parent (despite how we feel or the circumstances in front of us) we can communicate those same truths to our children. Speaking truth into their lives a million and one times is so life-giving to them. Especially when the world is speaking the opposite. When we and our kids believe we are loved and belong right where we are, that they are good and wanted despite any poor choices, there is security and trust to battle the lies together.

Vulnerability

Even the word vulnerability kind of feels funny. When we are vulnerable and open with ourselves in the environment of grace with God, it gives us the ability to recognize what lies we may be believing about ourselves, God, others, or our circumstances. Vulnerability is simply being honest with yourself. Peeling the onion layers back in our thoughts and feelings and not letting anything stick that does not align with our identity in Christ. When we practice vulnerability, and stand in truth, we are able to have intimacy in our relationship with God and those who love us. Separating behavior from identity for ourselves and our children is a key function in fostering a safe environment for everyone to be free to be vulnerable. Living this out for our kids to see is essential in helping them build the same practice. Showing vulnerability allows our kids to see God at work in our hearts. Me closely watching God work in someone else’s heart is how I came to know Jesus myself! I was drawn to the realness of her walk. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Allowing our kids to see and hear our process of trusting God not only invites them to trust us, but to trust God with their life. The hope is that by our kids watching us trust Jesus, they will be compelled to do the same. “For it is the love of Christ that compels us” (2 Corinthians 5:14).

Patience

I oftentimes have to remind myself that my kids are just that…kids. That I surely can’t expect them to handle things well and maturely all of the time or even most of the time. Depending on the age of your children, they are learning emotional regulation, impulse control, and sorting all sorts of thoughts and stimuli simultaneously.

The goal is not to never struggle, but to learn to depend on God in the struggle.

That goes for ourselves as well as our children. This takes TIME. And lots of practice. Heck, I am still learning and growing in how to live out these truths in my own current season. Obviously, the hope is that we see continued growth and maturation, but having realistic expectations for our children goes a long way with our experience of them. As hard as it is, every struggle, teenage outburst, meltdown, or silent treatment is an opportunity for us to meet them in love and grace, speak truth, and walk through the struggle with them. As I tell my boys frequently, “let’s practice our patience” and trust that He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

It is the primary cry of our hearts as parents for our children to come to know, trust, and live as one with Christ. As I mentioned before, it can all seem incredibly overwhelming and daunting at times. I can find myself sometimes more easily thinking of all that could go awry than dreaming of it going well. I am sure I am not alone in feeling sometimes like “ugh, I’m doing all of this and my kids don’t seem to be getting it.” Thankfully our identity is not in our parenting or in our children’s choices. The truth is that we are equipped in Christ Jesus. We have what it takes and you are not going at this alone. Christ in and through you is the only true parenting “tip” in the economy of grace. Know that wherever you are at in your parenting journey, that God has not forgotten you or your children. That if you have trusted Christ in your parenting and your ideas and plans have not played out, that the purpose of the Lord will stand (Proverbs 19:21). If you are a parent in a difficult season with a young child or an adult child, know that the battle has been won and the war is over. Victory has been had. We are not always sure when and how we will get to see the victory play out, but victory still remains true.

In whatever your days hold right now, know that you are not only welcome, but wanted in your community of believers. None of us have it all together and all of us benefit from walking beside each other. Come alongside others and allow others to come alongside you. Perfect love, His love, casts out all fear. And because of that, it is good to be us here with God and with each other- especially in this beautifully chaotic thing called parenting.

Shame – Part 1

Shame. Your cheeks get hot, your stomach drops, you feel like the whole world is looking at you. You are exposed. Ewe. Even the word isn’t super fun to say. Shame in all its glory can be brutal. It is one of the greatest tools that the enemy uses to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). Kill our kindness towards ourselves, steal our ability to experience love and joy, and can destruct relationships like no other. Aren’t you so pumped to be reading about it?! It’s the other “s” word that no one wants to touch with a ten-foot pole.

We have all felt it, acted on it, wrestled with thoughts stemming from it. I oftentimes tell clients that the only thing that grows in the dark is fear and shame. And if we really boil it down shame is rooted in fear. Fear of being seen and others not liking or accepting what is seen. Fear that if anyone really knew what I did/thought/said that they would run for the hills. Or worse stick around and we would pay for it by either our perception of constant judgment and wondering what in the world they are thinking of us OR being treated by others in a way that is fueled by shame. Fear that we, at our core, are not enough, not okay, not loveable. Sounds delightful, right?

As one of the key instruments of the enemy, it can wreak havoc internally. If he can keep someone hidden, festering in the dark, then there is absolutely no freedom in that. And the last thing the enemy wants is us experiencing and living out our freedom in Christ. Shame, remorse, and embarrassment are oftentimes intertwined, confusing, and can be hard to distinguish the role they each play.

We have all been there. Making a grand entrance by loudly tripping through the doorway of a restaurant hoping everyone was too busy enjoying their meal to notice, only to look up and see all eyes on you. Embarrassment. When we feel embarrassed we are experiencing self-consciousness followed by some distress. Remorse, in its healthy function, is feeling icky first then holding what we did/experienced next to who we are and recognizing that it doesn’t fit. Believing that choice/experience isn’t congruent to who we are and therefore it doesn’t sit right. In recognizing it doesn’t fit we are then able to stand in truth and not live in the thoughts and feelings of remorse. Shame happens when we believe it fits and therefore let the choice/experience (and lies that follow suit) say more about us than what God says about us and has done for us. Fear that who we are at our core is not good. Shame would tell me that I can’t even walk through a doorway correctly without making a fool of myself and that I am a constant screw up.

Remember earlier when I said shame was the other “s” word that no one wanted to touch with a ten-foot pole? Christ touched it. He more than touched it. He erased it. Demolished it. Our identity in Him is blameless, shameless, and secure. For we are MORE than conquerors (Romans 8:37)! Shame has NO PLACE to dwell in the heart of a child of God. If this is true, and it for dang sure is, then how come we sometimes experience thoughts and feelings of shame and watch our children wrestle with them too? I like to think we come by it honestly. The very first act Adam and Eve made once choosing to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was to hide themselves. Genesis 3:10 says “And he said, I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” For the first time, they felt shame. They felt fear. Felt exposed, vulnerable, and unacceptable. We, our children included, have all been there. Vulnerable and exposed. When caught up in the lies and waves of emotions we can find ourselves fearful that it is actually true.

The beautiful thing is that being vulnerable and exposed in the environment of love and grace is Gods heart for each and every one of us. To be fully seen and be fully loved. To be known and be free. To be heard and be accepted. As Doug and Janet Newberry say, “it is good to be me here with you.” Good to be me because God says I am good. Good to be me because my environment is one that knows my goodness is rooted firmly in Christ. A place where who I am is based on Whose I am, not what I have done. An environment of love and grace. The very opposite of shame, fear, and darkness is love, vulnerability, and freedom in Christ. Living in the light.

As a parent walking in New Covenant truth you have established and are continuing to foster an environment where it is good to be me here with you. Oftentimes it can get sticky to sort all of this out in ourselves and with our children. In order to combat shame, we want our kids to feel safe to be vulnerable with us. To mess up and know they have a soft place to land. To trust us and have the freedom to learn to trust God. Our reactions and responses to things greatly shapes their ability to do this. Giving them pieces of our story, sharing our current struggles or moments of weakness, apologizing, owning our wrongs, verbalizing that our/their mistakes is not who we are and how our heart wants to act, and asking for forgiveness.

Parenting is a huge refiner of us parents. Never be afraid to allow your children to see you being refined. Grow and lean into God more and more with them. So first we must trust God with our own thoughts and feelings of shame and then lead them to do the same. Perfect love, the very love that dwells within you, drives out all fear (1 John 4:18). Drives out fear and invites freedom. Freedom to know we won’t always get it right and neither will our children, but for the truth that it is good to be me here with God remaining the same.

I oftentimes find myself looking at my boys, relishing in the joys and freedom that being a child brings, and think to myself “oh to be them.” They are living the dream y’all; and for that I am thankful. I also find myself just as often looking at them and wondering what the years ahead will bring. What hurts, lies, illnesses, insecurities, poor choices, and hard circumstances lie ahead? I think it is the nature of what I do that takes my mind there frequently. As I sit across from individuals young and old that are struggling, I often ask the Lord what my own children and family will face. One of the hardest things as a parent is to see your child struggling and not know what the heck is going on or what to do. 

As much as we desire for our kids to remain carefree and innocent, we all know the reality of our world is much different. Whether it is stress, grief, anxiety, negative self-thinking, bullying, or something organic; our children face it too. The same circumstantial, emotional, and mental health concerns that affect adults can also affect our children. The good news is that we have the hope of the Lord AND live in a day and time where help is available and encouraged. So how do you know when to seek help for your child or family?  Children as young as 4 can benefit from therapy. Here are some pointers on when to seek counsel from a professional:

1. Issues beyond the home: when a child is struggling with behavior or emotional issues it typically presents itself across the board in multiple settings. 
2. Isolation: beginning to isolate from friends and/or family members (retreating to the bedroom more often than not) can oftentimes be evidence of a bigger concern. 
3. Drastic changes in normal daily activities: changes in eating, sleeping, and personal motivation. This may occur gradually, but you can tell it is different and more persistent than a growth spurt. In older children, this may include changes in personality, hygiene, and abnormal behaviors. You also want to take note of frequent nightmares, difficulty falling asleep and difficulty staying asleep. Something else to take note of is regression in usual behavior and mastered skills. Changes in behavior that cause you to think twice and/or alter the day for the child or family usually mean something.
4. Excessive fear, worry, or sadness: it is completely normal for kids to have worries and sadness, and as they mature these will become more and more ‘real life’ things. If it begins to impact their day more often than not, it is time to reach out for help. 
5. Self-harm or any self-destructive behaviors: if you find out your child has cut or intentionally harmed themselves in any way (even if it is only once), it is imperative to get help. Self-harm is a very dangerous behavior that if untreated can lead to more serious concerns. If your child expresses any thoughts of suicide, immediately contact your pediatrician, trusted therapist, or bring them to the nearest ER. 
6. Desire or attempts to truly harm someone else or an animal.
7. Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or thinking clearly.
8. Preoccupation with appearance: this may or may not be combined with restricting eating, excessive exercising, or binging and purging. 
9. Relationship concerns: tension or conflict between parent/child, child/sibling, or child/friend that is not resolving.
10. Proactive versus reactive: counseling is always a great option to give your child an outlet to connect with and trust someone who can help teach and reinforce skills and processes that they may have a hard time receiving from a parent. I frequently work with kids and teenagers that desire someone removed from the situation to help work through things. It is always the hope of the therapist to help foster, enhance, and build the parent/child relationship, not be a replacement of it. 

The fact is that not every person that worries has an anxiety disorder, not every bout of sadness leads to clinical depression, or every circumstance always lends to professional help. Kids experience emotional shifts and struggles. That’s part of being human. Understanding when the struggle shifts from average childhood/adolescent behavior that could potentially benefit from having a therapist involved to most certainly requiring professional intervention is imperative. Or knowing when your child might respond better to a neutral third party when learning to navigate hard things. 

When we read articles like this, we can sometimes walk away either thinking “no, not my child,” “I must watch every step they make to see if my child needs…,” or “I HAVE MISSED something big [insert fear]!” Trust your instincts and discernment, but also hear the feedback of those around you and your child. You and those close around you know your child best. Use the above-mentioned things as a starting point to begin thinking about your family’s situation and season. If you ever have the thought that someone near and dear to you could benefit from some additional guidance or professional help, I encourage you to be bold and speak with someone. I know this topic can feel discouraging and daunting to say the least. We and our kids, can and will face a lot of hard things, BUT we serve an incredible God that has gifted fellow believers with the skills and abilities to walk alongside us and our families. 

Note: This article does not take the place of consulting with a mental health practitioner. If you have concerns about the mental health of your child, seek help immediately.

As a parent, some of our greatest fears, and inevitably greatest pains, are to watch our children struggle with the weight of this fallen world we live in.  I know we would all like to exist in a place that pain (sometimes so intense that we falsely believe the only way to escape it is death) was not a reality for our precious children or ourselves. This side of heaven, the only way to experience true freedom from pain, darkness, and death, is to put our faith and trust in The One Who conquered all pain, darkness, and death. As a fellow believer, I know this is your heart’s desire for your children.

I wish it was not the case, but the harsh reality is that suicide is an ever-present phenomenon that our children may have to navigate. It is ALL too relevant for every single one of us.

In the book The Cure and Parents, the authors say “we get to give our kids the best of us– earning permission to influence them, mature them, know them, give guidance to them, protect them, love them, free them, and show them a magnificent God and an authentic life that will hold up for their entire lifetime.” They continued to state, “they get to watch us trusting God. They watch us mature and heal and become freer…they get to enjoy, instead of maneuvering around, the very ones who have loved them most.”

So as parents walking in faith, how do we deal with this reality? How can our children see us trusting God with this harrowing topic? I would like to give you some practical thoughts and ideas to help support you as a parent not only in having conversations about suicide, but in how to help create an environment for these tough topics to be discussed.

LISTEN: Everyone wants to be heard. When our children are little we oftentimes say “use your words.” As they get older we can find ourselves saying “I don’t want to hear it” or “It doesn’t matter that…” and don’t realize we are stunting open communication. Then in turn we expect them to be open and honest when we want specific answers or want to have a tough conversation. I encourage you to hear your child out. Then they are more likely to hear you out.

VALIDATE: We do not have to understand, agree with, or even like how our child is thinking or feeling. But giving them the gift of validation is life giving and incredibly freeing. Simple ways of doing this are responding with “Gosh I’m so sorry you feel that way,” or “man it’s tough to be dealing with all of that.” How they feel in that moment is in direct correlation with what they are believing to be true, but we cannot have access to help influence and guide their beliefs if we first don’t recognize, validate, and show they can trust us with their thoughts and feelings. Take what they have to say seriously. What is a big deal to them may not seem like a big deal to us.

RESPOND: How we respond to our child’s words, actions, or lack of action (from day one) greatly shapes our child’s ability to trust us with their thoughts and feelings. I am not suggesting our children can never see us upset or frustrated, but in those moments modeling for them how to trust God is essential in gaining their trust. Or when we make a poor choice in not trusting God and whom we are in Christ, acknowledging that and asking our children for forgiveness. We, our homes, are called to be their safe space, their place of refuge from the world and the lies it throws at them. Even if we are freaking out on the inside, I encourage you to respond calmly in love. So often children do not open up to their parents because they are fearful of their reaction. Fear and shame come hand in hand and are a powerful tool of the enemy. Our reactions to small things project to them how we will respond to big, hard things.

FIGHT FOR THEM, NOT WITH THEM: I believe our children need to know and see us fighting for them instead of with them. This entails us saying things like “you may not understand my decision on (fill in the blank), but it is being made because I am listening to the Holy Spirit and fighting for you in this area.” Our children want, despite what it seems sometimes, to know we have their backs and are engaged in the hard fight with them. As they get older this definitely begins to be more behind the scenes. I am not suggesting you carrying all the burden/fight, but having your “fight for them” be done in guidance, support, and consistently pointing them to their Creator.

HAVE THE HARD CONVERSATIONS: No family is immune to hard things. It is the nature of this world. Even if your children are happy and excelling, intentionally having these hard conversations speaks volumes to their hearts. They will at some point, either personally or watching a friend struggle, have to trust Jesus with thoughts of death. Below are some tips on having conversations on suicide, which can also be applied to many hard topics:

Timing: Pick a time that you are most likely to have you child’s attention and a captive audience. Even if teens seem to portray otherwise, they want our time. If you are having a hard time with communication from your child, engage in an activity they enjoy in order to create a space to hang out and speak truth.

Make a game plan: Think and pray about what you specifically want to communicate to your child knowing their heart and needs. It is okay (actually it’s a gift to our child) for us to admit to them that this is a hard topic. It acknowledges and validates to them that you recognize the discomfort and potential difficulty in having these types of conversations which helps to allow them to openly express their discomfort.

Ask hard questions: Be direct with your children. Ask them what they think about suicide, if they have ever had thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves or wanting to die. Ask them if this is something that they talk about with their friends. Self-harm is not synonymous with suicide or suicidal thoughts, however self-harm is also to be taken very seriously. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are a real thing in this fallen world and are nothing to be ashamed of as a child or parent. If your child responds saying they have had thoughts of self-harm, suicide, depression, or anxiety, then explore this further with them and let them know because you love them you want to think and pray on how to proceed as a family. If you feel like your child is in immediate danger, always act accordingly and seek immediate help.

*A helpful tool to access possible warning signs is at the bottom.

 Be Honest: Let them into your struggles. At an age appropriate level, it is always encouraged to share our past and even present struggles with our children. It helps them know they are not alone. It is also an amazing way to allow our children to watch us trust God. The more they see us trusting Him, the more they are able to trust us AND choose to trust Him also.

Make a plan together: Because these, and other topics, are things we want to address throughout the years, make a plan with your child on how that will look. You can say things like “because I know life can throw us hard things, I would love to revisit this together in the future. Let’s plan to talk again in a couple of weeks/months, and know you can always come to me before then.” When there is a suicide (or any hard topic) with a social media presence or a presence in your direct life, allow this to be an opportunity to catapult a conversation with your child. Ask their thoughts on the recent event. If your child has revealed something of concern SEEK HELP. Some children ask to speak to a counselor; some fear it like the plague. But please do not sit idle on concerns. Trust Christ in you to take action regardless of your child’s receptiveness to it.

You cannot give someone the idea of suicide by talking about the subject. Contrary to that belief, talking about suicide brings the topic to light, allowing truth to be revealed in this arena.

Ephesians 5:13 says “but all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”

John 1:5 states “the Light (Christ, Truth) shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”

It is human nature to want to avoid and escape pain. We know that the only true freedom when there is pain is through a dependent life In Christ. If you need any help or would like to talk through something specific, please feel the freedom to speak with me or someone on staff. It is a humbling privilege to walk alongside people in their scariest, darkest, and most challenging moments. I pray for you and your conversations with your children. You are fully equipped and have the true resource, Jesus, living in and through you.

*Helpful Tool to Access Possible Warning Signs:

FEELINGS that, again, seem different from the past, like hopelessness; fear of losing control; helplessness; worthlessness; feeling anxious, worried or angry often

ACTIONS that are different from the way your child acted in the past, especially things like talking about death or suicide, taking dangerous risks, withdrawing from activities or sports or using alcohol or drugs

CHANGES in personality, behavior, sleeping patterns, eating habits; loss of interest in friends or activities or sudden improvement after a period of being down or withdrawn

THREATS that convey a sense of hopelessness, worthlessness, or preoccupation with death (“Life doesn’t seem worth it sometimes”; “I wish I were dead”; “Heaven’s got to be better than this”); plans like giving away favorite things, studying ways to die, obtaining a weapon or stash of pills; suicide attempts like overdosing or cutting.

SITUATIONS that can serve as “trigger points” for suicidal behaviors. These include things like loss or death; humiliations, rejections, or failures, getting in trouble at home, in school or with the law; a break-up; or impending changes for which your child feels scared or unprepared.

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT TAKE THE PLACE OF CONSULTING WITH A MENTAL HEALTH PRACTITIONER. IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH OR THE MENTAL HEALTH OF YOUR CHILD OR LOVED ONE, SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.