This is a four part series that was recorded on Sunday mornings at Grace Life Fellowship. Listen in as Juan and Kyndal Jacoby, along with Jervey and Tracey Cheveallier discuss the topic of raising boys.
Week One: Do I have what it takes?
Listen in to Week 1 here:
Listen in to Week 2 here:
Listen in to Week 3 here:
Listen in to Week 4 here:
Remember that song “Material Girl” by Madonna? This post title reminds me of the tune to that song. “Cause we are living in a technology world And I am parenting a girl… (or boy). While dancing to that song may sound more fun that parenting in this technology driven world. God has chosen us to parent the kids that live in our home. Listen in from a recent class where we discussed some tips and tricks for parenting in a technology world.
Click HERE to listen in as Grace Life Lead Pastor: Tim Chalas, Family Ministries Director: Emily Soule, and Youth Director: Kayla Simoneaux talk about the important of discussion sex and purity with our kids and teens.
For more on this topic, check out these other posts…
Questions to ask our teens about sex…by Emily Soule
Parenting, Purity, and Perspective by Tim Chalas
November. The month of everything pumpkin, dipping temperatures, and a whole lot of THANKFULNESS. It is such a great time of year in so many ways! Even though we recognize we have things we are grateful for throughout the year, the month just brings about a larger emphasis on reflecting and expressing our gratitude. We think there is a whole lot of good that comes from slowing down and intentionally taking time to be thankful. Although this could be all about stopping and thinking about all the wonderful things in our lives, our hearts are feeling something slightly different. In the last couple of weeks, we have had countless conversations, texts, emails, and phone calls from people that are hurting, struggling, and walking through incredibly hard things. Granted we know that being a therapist (Kyndal) and a family ministries director (Emily), that this comes with the territory. As we are thinking about Thanksgiving we can’t also help but think about how hard it can be to experience the holidays when life is currently really tough.
It feels WAY more natural to be thankful when things are going well. Sometimes it can be a little painful, challenging, and even frustrating when the waves are crashing down. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to “give thanks in all circumstances.” Although we know it’s true, that hits hard sometimes when things aren’t looking quite how we hoped. It is especially in those moments where we have to remind ourselves, let others remind us, and fix our eyes on who God is; His character. He is love. He is powerful. Faithful. All knowing and sovereign. He is for you and has not abandoned you. This rings true 365, every year. We have said it with a smile and we have said it through tears and frustration. He is our hope.
Our kids experience painful life moments too. Being thankful in the tough moments of life is hard for them as well. As parents, when we lean into Jesus in the hard moments and see His goodness, our kids are able to see what it looks like to depend on Jesus. Our moments of thankfulness in trials encourage our kids to walk in this way as well.
We encourage you this week to find an opportunity to share with your children a time you saw Jesus in a season of trial and what you were thankful for in the midst of it. Allowing our kids these glimpses into our own struggle and redemption story builds trust.
May we all fix our eyes on Christ and trust that He is the bread of life, and we shall never be hungry or thirsty again (John 6:35). I know that God is so faithful and will express His love to you and through you. You are the perfect and chosen expression of the bread of life to your family!
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!
Kyndal Jacoby and Emily Soule
Here are a few quality items that you may want to consider adding to your kids’ Easter Basket AND the great news is you can buy them all online! We are not receiving any form of payment for recommending these. Scroll down to find your child’s age group. We just really like them and thought you might too…
Kids ages 6-8
Kids ages 9-12
Teens ages 13 – 18
Young Adults: 19 – 25-year-olds
To all my new homeschooling friends, WELCOME! Take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay. First and foremost, remember God specifically designed your children for you. You know them better than anyone else. You have been loving, caring, and providing for your child since birth.
I’ve been homeschooling for about 10 years and I know this journey well and you are not alone. Reach out to your homeschooling friends and ask for advice and support. I promise you they will come to your rescue because even though we have chosen to homeschool we know we can’t do it without a community of our peers by our side. We don’t have all the answers, but we can encourage and pray with you.
Here are a few of my tips to help you
– Lean on God each day to use the patience and peace He has given you to lead your children well
– Laugh. A LOT.
– Keep perspective and look at what you have accomplished over the week not just that day
– You don’t need desks, do school at the kitchen table, outside, on the couch, upside down.
– Play outside!
– Establish a basic routine not a minute by minute routine (ex. wake up time, breakfast, school, lunch, unfinished school)
– Your kids can entertain themselves – have books, art supplies, footballs, and toys readily available for their use
– Help your child with a routine and staying on track but ultimately they need to be responsible for their schoolwork.
– Utilize your new school uniform, pajamas!
– Break your routine sometimes BECAUSE YOU CAN- watch a movie, go out for ice cream, walk around the block – enjoy this new freedom.
You will find homeschooling is as much a lifestyle choice as an educational model. Use this new time together to deepen your relationship with your children. Even on the days I want to put my kids on the bus, I remember that God has gifted me this opportunity to pour truth and love into their developing hearts. At this end of this disruption, your biggest success will be pointing them to Jesus.
The cartoon above is outdated…I know…but you get the point. Teenagers know more than we think they do and they are getting information
Sometimes, talking with teens about sex can be awkward! The questions below are designed to be conversation starters with your child (ages 11-18).
These don’t all need to be asked. They don’t all need to be asked in a particular order. Our hope is that these questions will help you begin a conversation with your teen.
BEFORE YOU ASK: Choose the time you throw one of these questions out wisely. You know your kid and when they are the most chatty. Do not act shock or surprise if/ when they share something (even if you feel that way).
LISTEN! Respond – Do NOT react! Wait, for them to ask you what you think.
ALWAYS let them know how grateful you are that they shared with you.
Questions to ask your teen to begin the conversation about sex?
(Not all BUT many of these questions are taken from The Grown Ups Guide to Teenage Humans by Josh Shipp)
This coming Sunday, I will have the opportunity to speak with our Middle School students at Grace Life about purity. Moreover, sexual purity and what does God say about it? I thought I would share with you a few of my notes for this Sunday. Some of this wording may help you when your teen is ready to hear your thoughts on questions mentioned above.
Sex. The mere mention of the word conjures up feelings that run the full spectrum of our emotional scale. Maybe the only thing more intimidating than the word itself is teaching our kids about it! The Birds and the Bees make it sound so easy and simple but if you are a parent, you know better. Our kids are living in a fast-paced, visual world, and the language, messages, and images about sex today are not veiled in symbolism such as birds and bees, but are in your face, blatant, raw, and shocking! I have had “the talk” with my own kids and am so glad I did…they taught me so much!!! I wanted to believe that in their ignorance, they were innocent but soon realized that in their innocence they were ignorant! That is a recipe for being naïve and susceptible to the lies out there. They had already heard words and seen some things I had hoped they hadn’t but they had been left to their own understanding of it all and needed the truth about it, not so much insulation from it.
How are we to help teach, protect, nurture, and guide our kids as they navigate through the onslaught of social media, images, music, computers, video games, television, culture, and all that is out there in the world, not to mention the onslaught of hormones that are in them? In short, how do we help our kids live pure lives in an impure world? First of all, let me encourage you that the situation is far from hopeless. Listen to these words in Titus:
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, teaching us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age.” – Titus 2:11-12
Because of God’s grace, we have hope, we are not alone, and we are loved with unquestioned certainty in the midst of uncertain times…and so are our kids! By His doing, we have been made new creations, holy and righteous, we have been given a new heart, desiring exactly what He desires (regardless of how we feel) and we have His indwelling Spirit so that we are never alone or without His power to be able to “do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.” Purity is not something we can achieve, it is the Life of Jesus we have received! We are pure because God made us pure…now the only sensible thing to do is live like who we are. This is the reality that our kids need to know and that we need to know. This is the gospel…the good news that sets us free!
Shame. It is one of the greatest tools that the enemy uses to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). Kill our kindness towards ourselves, steal our ability to experience love and joy, and can destruct relationships like no other. In THIS previous post, I laid out the role shame can play and the truth that shame has NO PLACE to dwell in the heart of a child of God. As we are journeying together through this beautifully messy thing called parenting, I know it is each of our hearts for our children to not only know but experience the love God has for them through the way we love them.
Sometimes when I think about the magnitude of it all, I can find myself nearly begging God for my children to turn out okay – more for their sake than for mine. No one desires for their child to continue to struggle into adulthood or choose to live life contrary to who they are in Christ. I am then reminded and reassured that it’s not all up to me and that my primary act of obedience is to depend on Him and His ways, not my own. To trust what resides within me. Simple in theory, oftentimes oh so challenging in practice. In the book The Cure and Parents, the authors say
“we get to give our kids the best of us– earning permission to influence them, mature them, know them, give guidance to them, protect them, love them, free them, and show them a magnificent God and an authentic life that will hold up for their entire lifetime.” They continued to state, “they get to watch us trusting God. They watch us mature and heal and become freer…they get to enjoy, instead of maneuvering around, the very ones who have loved them most.”
Because I know I am not alone in that, I thought I would share some tangible areas we as parents can walk out fostering love and grace, standing victorious with Christ (and our kiddos) over shame.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the pathway for love to freely flow. It is the very cornerstone our relationship with God is built on. It was the exact thing that God did in order for him to fully experience us and us to fully experience Him. Therefore, forgiving ourselves and others is essential in experiencing the depth of God’s promises for ourselves, to be an expression of those promises to others, and to experience the fullness of community with those around us. Forgiveness invites acceptance to love someone right where they are; remembering Whose they are to begin with. I know it can sound like all of this is flowery and pretty, but love is hard and messy a lot of the time. But I have experienced trusting God when it is difficult, confusing, and exhausting and watching it turn into a beautiful thing. Walking in our forgiveness from God and extending that forgiveness to ourselves and others removes the barriers allowing love to flow just as it was designed to.
Belongingness
We have all been there. As a kid wanting a place to belong at lunch in the cafeteria. As an adult, really hoping when we walk into that social event we have at least one person we feel safe with. We are wired deeply to be loved and belong. We are all biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually created to love, be loved, and to belong. Love and belongingness is not something we earn. It’s our birthright in Christ Jesus. And if that’s true of our relationship with God, then that is true of our relationship as parent and child. I belong as my boy’s mother and they belong as my sons. Obviously, the experience of this love can for sure be tampered with if anyone in the equation is living in fear, lies, or shame. Even in tough seasons or with personalities that challenge the heck out of us, our kids belong in our home. You belong in your home. You are the chosen parent God so delightfully appointed to parent your child. When we are believing truth about ourselves, and our role as their parent (despite how we feel or the circumstances in front of us) we can communicate those same truths to our children. Speaking truth into their lives a million and one times is so life-giving to them. Especially when the world is speaking the opposite. When we and our kids believe we are loved and belong right where we are, that they are good and wanted despite any poor choices, there is security and trust to battle the lies together.
Vulnerability
Even the word vulnerability kind of feels funny. When we are vulnerable and open with ourselves in the environment of grace with God, it gives us the ability to recognize what lies we may be believing about ourselves, God, others, or our circumstances. Vulnerability is simply being honest with yourself. Peeling the onion layers back in our thoughts and feelings and not letting anything stick that does not align with our identity in Christ. When we practice vulnerability, and stand in truth, we are able to have intimacy in our relationship with God and those who love us. Separating behavior from identity for ourselves and our children is a key function in fostering a safe environment for everyone to be free to be vulnerable. Living this out for our kids to see is essential in helping them build the same practice. Showing vulnerability allows our kids to see God at work in our hearts. Me closely watching God work in someone else’s heart is how I came to know Jesus myself! I was drawn to the realness of her walk. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Allowing our kids to see and hear our process of trusting God not only invites them to trust us, but to trust God with their life. The hope is that by our kids watching us trust Jesus, they will be compelled to do the same. “For it is the love of Christ that compels us” (2 Corinthians 5:14).
Patience
I oftentimes have to remind myself that my kids are just that…kids. That I surely can’t expect them to handle things well and maturely all of the time or even most of the time. Depending on the age of your children, they are learning emotional regulation, impulse control, and sorting all sorts of thoughts and stimuli simultaneously.
The goal is not to never struggle, but to learn to depend on God in the 
struggle.
That goes for ourselves as well as our children. This takes TIME. And lots of practice. Heck, I am still learning and growing in how to live out these truths in my own current season. Obviously, the hope is that we see continued growth and maturation, but having realistic expectations for our children goes a long way with our experience of them. As hard as it is, every struggle, teenage outburst, meltdown, or silent treatment is an opportunity for us to meet them in love and grace, speak truth, and walk through the struggle with them. As I tell my boys frequently, “let’s practice our patience” and trust that He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
It is the primary cry of our hearts as parents for our children to come to know, trust, and live as one with Christ. As I mentioned before, it can all seem incredibly overwhelming and daunting at times. I can find myself sometimes more easily thinking of all that could go awry than dreaming of it going well. I am sure I am not alone in feeling sometimes like “ugh, I’m doing all of this and my kids don’t seem to be getting it.” Thankfully our identity is not in our parenting or in our children’s choices. The truth is that we are equipped in Christ Jesus. We have what it takes and you are not going at this alone. Christ in and through you is the only true parenting “tip” in the economy of grace. Know that wherever you are at in your parenting journey, that God has not forgotten you or your children. That if you have trusted Christ in your parenting and your ideas and plans have not played out, that the purpose of the Lord will stand (Proverbs 19:21). If you are a parent in a difficult season with a young child or an adult child, know that the battle has been won and the war is over. Victory has been had. We are not always sure when and how we will get to see the victory play out, but victory still remains true.
In whatever your days hold right now, know that you are not only welcome, but wanted in your community of believers. None of us have it all together and all of us benefit from walking beside each other. Come alongside others and allow others to come alongside you. Perfect love, His love, casts out all fear. And because of that, it is good to be us here with God and with each other- especially in this beautifully chaotic thing called parenting.
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