Looking back over the last several years since my first pregnancy, I can scarcely remember sleeping through the night without waking up to use the restroom. On a recent night my bladder beckoned. My baby was just under 3-months-old and still sleeping in my arms and in my bed at night. With her head burrowed right below my chin, our breathing synchronized, and our body heat radiating back and forth, it’s no surprise she’d wake, almost instantly, when I would attempt to pry myself away from her. Leaving her all alone.
By the time I took even just a few steps toward the bathroom, she would inevitably be crying. I’d beg my bladder to speed up the process so as to not pointlessly wake anyone else in the house. In the meanwhile, my brain would unavoidably jolt to life alongside the screaming in the bedroom… the norm was a million and one mom-thoughts instantaneously jostling around in my head. “Have I taken the meat out of the freezer for dinner? Is it trash day? Did I sign my daughter’s school conduct report? Are the girls’ gymnastics uniforms washed for class tomorrow? Do I have gas in the car? Will I ever…ever…get a full night’s sleep again?” Multi-tasking at it’s finest!
Yet on this particular night there was only one thought that came to mind when the stillness of the night met the piercing cries of my baby. The thought was simple and glaringly obvious. This little, precious baby is crying for me. Crying for ME! At this moment in her life, I am her EVERYTHING! She needs me, and she is physically uncomfortable when I am not beside her!”
Having returned to full cognition by this point, my brain continued to explore this realization. This seemingly uncomplicated thought began to deeply impact my heart…
I am a daughter to the Most Holy. The King of all kings. The Creator of the universe. Do I cry out for Him? When I am not close to His tender and loving arms do I get physically agitated? When my breath is not in synch with His, am I as uncomfortable as my baby is without mine?
It is these simple moments as a mom that get me every, single time. As my sweet, innocent child lay there crying out for me with such fierce intensity, she challenged me to look inward and showed me what my desperation for Jesus should look like.
I hope this story resonates with you as well. As we all start afresh this New Year, where will we find our rest? Let’s face it, we all need it. In fact, if you are anything like me, you are constantly looking for it. An uninterrupted hot shower. A car ride with no tears. An early morning cup of coffee before hearing any footsteps throughout the house. We are all tired. We are all weary. Some of us might even feel ready to throw in the towel, but be encouraged…
In Psalms 62:1-2, David proclaims, “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” When David wrote this, men were plotting against him, trying to kill him. Hmmm, [little] people, plotting against us? Not such a far stretch, right? We have all felt under attack by a toddler or two or three…Your son running at max capacity into your arms and somehow what should be a beautiful, Hallmark moment turns ugly when his head meets your nose. OUCH! Or your daughter eating her dinner so nicely until she turns on you and points a heaping spoonful of spaghetti directly at your face and….FLING!, Under attack, yes! Or as I like to call it, “Under Refinement”, but at least no one is threatening our lives. If David could find rest in his dire situation, so can we! Our Father never leaves us alone to cry.
So this year, when chaos ensues (and it will ensue), may we look to His open arms. When the unexpected occurs, may we fall at His feet. When sickness strikes, may we find stillness in His breath. When we feel hopeless, may we securely rest in the hope that only He can provide. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” [Matthew 11:28]. As much as I’d love a full night sleep again, I know it could never provide the same depth as the rest available to me, and to you, in Jesus!
I am the perfect parent. Well, that sounds so presumptuous, doesn’t it? It’s hard for me to swallow too. But it’s true. Maybe it would help if I told you how I define perfect. The word perfect found in the book of Philippians also translates complete and mature.
You see my identity is not based on my behavior but in my personhood as a child of God. God has made me complete. God has made me mature. God has made me perfect. Whether I choose to behave like who I am or not doesn’t change the truth about me.
God has also made me a parent. He has made me perfect and a parent. He has picked specific kids for me to parent. For these kids, I am the perfect parent. Most of the time, I do not FEEL like the perfect parent for these kids. Most the time, I feel like I should be saving money for their weddings, college education, and all the counseling they will need because of how much I am screwing them up.
BUT the truth is despite how I feel and even how I act at times, God has made me perfect in Him.
Let’s break this down…
In the book of Philippians, Paul has this awkward little section where he says, “Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:12) then he continues… Let us, therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you.” (Phil. 3:15)
Huh? He calls us imperfect and perfect within a few statements! Here is his point: live like who you are: parent out of our perfectness. If our attitudes/ feelings/ actions don’t line up with this truth God will reveal that.
Here is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately… so how do I parent perfectly? I know lots of “parenting gurus”, I have
heard lots of great advice…but what do I want to live from … “what would ______ do?” or even “what would Jesus do”. NO! I want to parent from “Jesus, what would you have me do?”.
Jesus is Love. Jesus lives inside me and He has made me perfect. And you know what? If you have chosen Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He lives inside of you. He has made you perfect.
You are the perfect parent for your child. It’s not based on how you feel, or how you act. If God has entrusted a child to you, He has decided you are the perfect person for that child. If you are a parent and God lives inside you. You are a perfect parent. Now, let’s enjoy Him and enjoy them.
Responding not reacting is one of those tips that applies at all stages of parenting.
I had a chance to practice responding this past week. My oldest daughter is adopted. She knows she is adopted. We talk about it openly and often. We talk about the beauty of it and how much we wanted her, and God had always planned/known she would be a Soule’. She asks questions sometimes and we answer whatever she asks. We have even begun to have conversations about her birth family. However, this week, I was not prepared to have any adoption conversation (which is usually the way it is when the topic comes up).
I picked up two of my nieces to go to the park. They are slightly older than my oldest. They jumped in the car and one said, “Aunt Emily, does Ella know she is“ and she stopped. The other niece said, “yes, she knows.” The first niece continued, “okay great! Ella lets play a game where we adopt a cat. You know like you are adopted…” I didn’t know what was to follow. My mind quickly begins to race… “Do I shut this conversation/game down? I want to protect my baby! What if they say something that hurts her…wait, this is one of those moments! Respond, don’t react, Emily” So what did I do, I hit a curb – hard! Quite dramatically the conversation quickly changed to the importance of seat belts. This was not an intentional hitting of the curb but it sure did “save me” in the moment. This adoption game/conversation really was not a big deal. It was so sweet and innocent but how I reacted/responded to it mattered.
Hitting the curb was an outward demonstration of what was happening on the inside. There are lots of times when our kids will come to us with something or just be talking within earshot of us and our response/reaction matters deeply. At all ages, our kids need to know they can say anything to us, that they can talk to their friends in front of us, and our love for them doesn’t change. We can handle the tough, awkward conversations!
On the inside we may be “hitting the curb with our car” but it is okay. We can handle the conversation because of Christ in us. If we chose to respond quickly, sarcastically, loudly, dramatically, etc., it may affect the next time our child needs to talk to us.
God the Father gives us a beautiful picture of responding and not reacting. We don’t catch Him by surprise; He only wants the best for us and is willing to wait patiently and to continue to teach us as long as it takes for us to “get it”. When we respond gently, calmly, in love in the little things, our kids will trust us in the big things. Its okay to take a moment before you respond. I usually need a few seconds (or hours) and a quick prayer like “Jesus, help the words that come out of my mouth to be you!”
I’m praying for you as you parent in the awkward, bad timing, tough conversations and in the normal mundane everyday conversations. May we be parents that respond, not react.
It was 9 am and the three year old and I were already locked in a battle of wills that shook the walls. Standing in the living room, arms full of baby dolls to the point that I could barely see her face, she stood her ground on bringing every single one with us to the gym. You can bring two, okay? Two babydolls. No more. No! I bring everybody. We’d been at it for 5 minutes, and I was over it. Luckily she couldn’t hold all 10 babies and walk, so she resigned, but not without crying and whining the entire walk to the car. Just get to the gym, I told myself. You’ll have an hour break from this crazy person, a chance to reset. She fought me the entire process of getting in her carseat, and when I got in the front seat, began screaming. Not about anything in particular, just screaming. At this point I should mention that I also have an eight month old, who is understandably not crazy about lots of yelling – so she’s upset now too.
I can’t think straight, so I get out of the car and close the door. It may sound a little inhumane, to leave the two of them crying in the vehicle, but it was that or start turning into the HulkMom. I walk a little down the driveway and just stop; that blank, glazed over look you see other moms wearing in Target while their kid throws stuff out of the buggy. I just start talking.
God, I’m so tired. I can’t remember the last time I had a break. Between these two wildlings in the car and trying to be a good wife and run a business and chase my own dreams and not let the house fall to pieces, I’m so tired. I’m not sure I can do it anymore. I’m fighting back tears at this point, allowing myself to drown in it all for a second
You can’t. It drifts through my mind like a falling leaf, and for a second I’m just downright offended. Um, I absolutely can. I absolutely can do it all, thank you very much. After a few moments my pride takes a chill pill, and it starts to dawn on me that I cannot, in fact, do all of these things. Not the way I’m trying to do them right now, at least. You see, I’ve forgotten to rest. Something that even God did. All of the crazy piles up in front of me and instead of resting in who I am in Christ, and what matters because of His truth, I set out to try to climb the mountain of my own sheer will power. And I end up here. Exhausted and frustrated and this close to losing my ever loving mind. Because I’m trying to do it myself. I will fail every single time this way. Every single time. Until I start letting the Lord lead me beside still waters as I raise two babies and chase my dreams, I will end up at the end of my driveway in tears over the crazy.
So I’m asking you to put it down. Whatever your banner of “I can do this on my own” looks like, will you just lay it down for me? You may not even realize you’re carrying this load, I so often forget that I don’t have to try to do all of this alone. And then all the sudden it hits me that I am simply not capable of keeping all the balls in the air at the same time without the loving, wonderful help of our sweet Savior. So take a deep breath, even if the house is being torn down around you as we speak. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and rest in Him and His truth. Let His goodness and peace rush in, because they’re right there – waiting. He is good, and He has good things for you. He wants to shoulder the things you’ve been carrying. Let Him be in it with you today.
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Whether you are a mother, father, step-parent, single parent, grand(parent), co-parent, foster parent, we hope you will find a sweet spot here.
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