Okay, so we are about two weeks into summer and my kids have already had a few knock down drag out arguments. Whew! In one of those moments this week, I caught myself saying out loud “I cannot handle this! Be quiet!” Have you ever said that?  Been there? The statement is a half-truth. The full truth is I feel like I cannot handle the bickering and complaining and whining.  (FYI: my threshold for whining is very low.) BUT, I can indeed handle it because of who I am in Christ and who He is in me.

This is a parenting moment where I get to choose to live out of Jesus and not my feelings. I can choose to make this about the stress it is causing me and my feelings,  believing the lie I cannot handle it,  or I can take a deep breath, refocus (set my mind – Colossians 3:2, Romans 8:5-6) on Jesus and allow Him to handle the moment through me. I get to believe the truth that Jesus lives inside of me and I have all of Him right now. Which means I have all His patience and all His peace even if I don’t feel like it.

When I choose truth and walk according to the truth of who I am in Christ, the bickering may not stop but I am not nearly as stressed, overwhelmed, or frustrated.

When I don’t choose Christ, I end up having to apologize to my kids for the words that come out of my mouth.

Summer offers me many opportunities to practice choosing Jesus in this area of feelings and responses. I am praying for all of us this summer that we may choose Christ in those moments. May this summer be one where we walk according to truth and not by feelings! May we parent through Christ’s life in us!

Responding not reacting is one of those tips that applies at all stages of parenting.

I had a chance to practice responding this past week. My oldest daughter is adopted. She knows she is adopted. We talk about it openly and often. We talk about the beauty of it and how much we wanted her, and God had always planned/known she would be a Soule’.  She asks questions sometimes and we answer whatever she asks. We have even begun to have conversations about her birth family. However, this week, I was not prepared to have any adoption conversation (which is usually the way it is when the topic comes up).

I picked up two of my nieces to go to the park. They are slightly older than my oldest.  They jumped in the car and one said, “Aunt Emily, does Ella know she is“ and she stopped. The other niece said,  “yes, she knows.”  The first niece continued, “okay great! Ella lets play a game where we adopt a cat. You know like you are adopted…” I didn’t know what was to follow. My mind quickly begins to race… “Do I shut this conversation/game down? I want to protect my baby! What if they say something that hurts her…wait, this is one of those moments! Respond, don’t react, Emily” So what did I do, I hit a curb – hard! Quite dramatically the conversation quickly changed to the importance of seat belts. This was not an intentional hitting of the curb but it sure did “save me” in the moment.  This adoption game/conversation really was not a big deal. It was so sweet and innocent but how I reacted/responded to it mattered.

Hitting the curb was an outward demonstration of what was happening on the inside. There are lots of times when our kids will come to us with something or just be talking within earshot of us and our response/reaction matters deeply. At all ages, our kids need to know they can say anything to us, that they can talk to their friends in front of us, and our love for them doesn’t change. We can handle the tough, awkward conversations!

On the inside we may be “hitting the curb with our car” but it is okay. We can handle the conversation because of Christ in us. If we chose to respond quickly, sarcastically, loudly, dramatically, etc., it may affect the next time our child needs to talk to us.

God the Father gives us a beautiful picture of responding and not reacting. We don’t catch Him by surprise; He only wants the best for us and is willing to wait patiently and to continue to teach us as long as it takes for us to “get it”. When we respond gently, calmly, in love in the little things, our kids will trust us in the big things. Its okay to take a moment before you respond. I usually need a few seconds (or hours) and a quick prayer like “Jesus, help the words that come out of my mouth to be you!”

I’m praying for you as you parent in the awkward, bad timing, tough conversations and in the normal mundane everyday conversations. May we be parents that respond, not react.

“Mission minded kids.” Have you ever heard that phrase? My hope for our kids is that they will be “Christ-minded kids.” That their minds will be renewed as they grow and learn to know who and Whose they are.  In that renewing that they will live out of the truth of who they are. They will believe and know that our true heart’s desire, as Christians, is to want what God wants. In this knowing, they will act out of that.

As parents, we have the privilege to teach these things to our kids.

In the process of reminding them who they are and Whose they are, we also get to share with them the truths we know about what matters to God and to live out the fulfilling of these desires in front of them.

God has clearly spelled out a few things that are near and dear to His heart and has given us instruction on what to do. God desires no man should perish (2 Pt. 3:9). He asks His people to care for widows and orphans (James 1:27) and to take care of the poor  (Prov. 22:9). This is just to name a few.

As parents, one of the ways we get to teach our kids about God’s heart for these people is to partner in mission work.  To introduce our kids to the needs of the world and allow their hearts to break for what breaks God’s heart. Then to do something! Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is feeling sorry and then doing something about it.

Ask your kids, at whatever age they are, these questions to get the conversation started

• If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?
• If you could make life better for someone how would you do it?
• Share with your child the verses above. Ask them if they know anyone who is not a Christian, or do they know any widows or orphans, or people who have less earthly possessions than they do? Is there something your family can do for these people to share the love of Christ with them?

Does God really care? Of course, we know He cares about our salvation, but does he care about all the “little things”? Does he care that I bit my tongue while eating an apple this morning, or that I got cut off in traffic? Does he care that my kid is failing Spanish, or that I was ugly to my spouse?

With all the big things happening in the world today, does God really care about my little day to day trials? If we have these questions, doubts, and concerns, so do our kids.

Jesus knew this thought when he walked the earth and I wonder if he ever had the same thought?

In Luke 12:7,  Jesus says, “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.” In other words, God cares so much about us, he knows how many hairs are on our heads at any one moment! He knows and cares about our big things and our small things.

Knowing (AND BELIEVING) God cares about us because we are His makes a difference in how we live our lives. Consider this question as a family. Ask your kids… what difference does it make to know that God cares?

What exactly is the New Covenant? What does it matter to my everyday life?

As a parent, I can often wonder these questions myself. Back in 2011, Pastor Frank did a 4 week series on the New Covenant. Whether you have been at GLF your whole life or have recently joined the family, you will enjoy this series on the New Covenant. May we all walk (and parent) out of the New! Enjoy listening to Pastor Frank share these truths…

Part 1: Born into Death CLICK HERE

Part 2: Born into Life CLICK HERE

Part 3: Grace is a Person CLICK HERE

Part 4: Jesus IS the Christian Life CLICK HERE